An Unforgettable Experience in Finland

There can't be anything worse than seeing your own child sick. Its so disheartening to see him in pain with gloomy eyes and a weak body. This is what every mom has experienced and so am I. But the situation became worst last year after we arrived at Finland.

Moving abroad  is much easier when you are single or without kids but once you have kids, moving overseas becomes quite difficult and that could be a real test on the strength of parents. So before coming here I was too worried about Jojo since we came in winter and he is not used to this cold temperature. But everything sorted out easily. He started going to school.

But after going to school for two weeks one day Jojo returned from school with high temperature. We thought the fever to be some viral which will be fine within a couple of days but we didn't know about some scary situations waiting for us. A day after, in the middle of the night, Jojo's fever became very high and even the medicines were not working rather he started shivering. It was 1o' clock in the night, we couldn't understand what to do and whom to call for help. I felt so helpless and perhaps that was the worst moment in my life till date. Then suddenly I remember the emergency number where one can call in case of an emergency. I didn't care whether we had that much emergency to call at the number but I called immediately.

I didn't expect such a great response from them. They asked me every detail like the child's age, what problem he is having and finally asked for our address because they will be sending a medical team to help us and if needed they will take us to the hospital too. For a second I was relieved. And within ten minutes an ambulance arrived at our door and two nurses came having all the necessities starting from oxygen mask to saline bottle with them. One of them sat in the chair with her laptop opened and immediately called the doctor and the other started the investigations. She took Jojo's temperature, checked his throat, eyes and pulse and asked me to give a moist towel. She herself took off Jojo's clothes, started rubbing his whole body with that wet towel and gave him some comfort. When they found that we had few medicines left, they even gave some extra medicines in case we need. Not only that they waited till Jojo's fever gone down, consoled us and told not to worry.

After they left, I just thanked God. Perhaps this is the advantage of living in a developed country. I don't know about other countries but in Finland, the way the emergency service helped us is unbelievable and unforgettable. This incident is something which I wont forget in my life.

How virtual friendship turned to real friendship

Even a year back I didn't know this person and today perhaps she is the one with whom I talk almost everyday. Yes, I am talking about Paramita whom I met last year on facebook before she came to Finland. She is one of the best persons I met on facebook. 

Before we met personally, our relation was quite formal which I believe to be quite natural for two persons who didn't know each other. After she reached Finland with her family and contacted me, I was eager to meet them and invited them on dinner. And I will never ever forget that day of our first meeting because that day before they would arrive, Jojo  broke his hand and we had to rush to the hospital.I was in extreme dilemma whether to cancel that dinner or wait till Jojo's plaster was done. And the first time we talked on phone was from hospital asking them to come a little late. Now I think I had taken the right decision not to cancel that first meeting, otherwise I would have perhaps missed the opportunity to meet her.

On our very first meeting, I found her to be quite open-minded, friendly and obviously there were certain things common between us and I felt very comfortable talking to her. It didn't seem that we met for the first time. From that day onward still now, I think I have not talked so much with a person whom I met just a few months back. Never thought of getting such a dear friend in Finland, the friendship which I will cherish for the rest of my life.We talked, we laughed, spent some sleepless nights talking to each other, we traveled together, cooked together, went shopping and really enjoyed some lovely moments together.
I always believe that friendship is not about whom I know for a long time. It can happen at any age, at any point of time but the only thing is about to find a like-minded people, which is difficult these days. But I am lucky enough to find her.

The day when we came back from India last month, she came all the way in the snow to reach some homemade food so that I don't have to cook after reaching home. This is something I will never ever forget in my life. I never look at the clock before dialing her phone and never hesitate to say whatever I feel. This is perhaps true friendship is all about. Even when we couldn't meet in the snowy days we talked on phone and perhaps have exchanged some thousands of messages on facebook.

But its time to say good-bye since she is leaving Finland soon. Needless to say that I will miss her. But hope to meet some day back in India and I wish her a happy life ahead with the evergreen smile she wears on her face. 

Miss those days of still photographs

Looking back through old photographs and albums is something I enjoy since childhood days. I remember whenever my exams got over, first thing I used to do is opening up the cupboard where my mom kept all the photo albums and have a look at the old photographs. Still now, whenever I go home, at least once I open that cupboard to have a look at those old pictures to refresh my childhood memories. 

This time when I went to India, I showed some of my childhood photos to Jojo and he couldn't believe that the little girl who is almost of his age could be his mother. He asked me, " Ma, who is she?" and when I said its me, he was so excited and the smile on his face made me so happy. And I really appreciate the way my mother has kept all our childhood photos. May be some of them have faded but none are lost or damaged. 

Since my birth, I have seen that still camera which my father still uses and it has captured several memorable moments of our life. Its a Minolta camera which his friend got from US as a gift and still now he takes good care of it. There was a shop in New Market at Kolkata from where he used to buy the film and also developed the negatives. The camera had become a member of our family as it has witnessed each and every occasion at home, every place we have traveled and every moment we wished to remember. 

With one film we could take 36 photos and so my father was very particular while taking out photos so that none were wasted and he could capture 36 perfect pictures. And the most exciting moment was to wait for the day when he would take the delivery of the prints from the studio and literally me and my sister used to fight about who will see the photos first. Then keeping them in the album and putting dates with a little description about the place and the moment on every album were something I used to enjoy.  

But with the development of technology, we are now used to digital photography. Now, in the age of selfies, we just don't care to take hundreds of photos at a time. We keep on clicking the camera till we look perfect with our eyes properly opened, a perfect smile on our face, a beautiful background and so on. Now all our photos are kept in facebook albums instead of those old albums with hard covers. Now we don't have to wait for getting the negatives to be developed, rather within a second could see the photos and don't even hesitate to delete them immediately if not clicked properly. 

I too before buying my smart phone, checked the camera on it so that I could take some good photos. But still I miss those films, still photographs, that old camera of my father, the containers in which the films were kept and specially that wonderful feeling of getting the negatives developed.

Had my morning tea at 2 o'clock in the night

Yesterday was a very bad day for me, rather I should say a day when everything went wrong. Till 10 o' clock in the morning, everything was fine and going as per my schedule but after that everything stopped. My tab stopped working with no internet connection at home. For a while I felt so disconnected from the whole world. I realized how dependent we are these days on internet. I can skip a day's meal but without internet connection, cant think of surviving. 

I struggled a lot to use my mobile to get the internet connection. I put the data card on my mobile but everything was in vain and for ten hours there was not net connection at home. I somehow managed but managing Jojo in the evening without internet was little difficult. After Kunal came from office, somehow he managed to switch on the tab and get back the internet connection. I felt so relieved. Before going to bed I set the alarm on my mobile at 6 o' clock in the morning and went to sleep. 

As usual I woke up at 6 o' clock and brushed my teeth, made tea for myself and had it. I checked my tab to see whether it is working properly or not. My tab was showing the time 1.30 am. I was sure that may be yesterday we switched it on and off quite a few times and so the time has not been set properly.I prepared breakfast and also packed the lunch box for Kunal. Since both father and son were not waking up, I switch on the lights of the bed room too. I called Jojo quite a few times but he didn't wake up. Before getting ready to drop Jojo at school, I usually put my wrist watch and surprisingly it showed the time 2 o' clock. For a second, I thought, has it stopped working? Then I doubt. I checked my table clock and it was really 2 o' clock at night. Oh God !!! Then I realized its not the tab or the wrist watch, its my mobile. May be yesterday while switching it on, I forgot to set the time. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the middle of the night. 

Since in Finland now the sun has become a late riser and never rises before 9 o' clock, its really difficult to realize whether its 6 o' clock in the morning or 2 o' clock at night. Immediately I switched off the lights before Jojo would wake up and went to bed. But I couldn't sleep. Till 4 o' clock I was awake and after that went to sleep and again woke up at 6 in the morning. But this time its really 6 a.m. 

Within a next few days we are going to India and we have to reach airport by 3 o' clock at night to catch our morning flight. For few days, I was thinking how difficult will it be to wake up at the middle of the night and get ready for the airport. Now I am sure, God has listened to this and perhaps made me a rehearsal for the same. 

Whatever it is, while brushing my teeth again and having tea for the second time, I found the incident quite funny. Perhaps this is one of the funniest moments of my life till now and just cant resist to share with you all. 

Kids having too many toys these days

Last Sunday when I was cleaning my son's cupboard, I was really shocked to see the huge number of toys he has collected in the last few months. I should rectify myself here. Its not him who has collected, its us, the parents who are responsible for it and have bought so many of them. When at the beginning of this year we have moved to Finland, I remember I packed a few small cars and two sets of blocks with us in the suitcase and left four carton boxes of toys back in Kolkata. All those toys he received as gifts since birth from friends and relatives, some of which he never used and they are still kept lying in the boxes.

When we arrived in Finland it was too cold and he had not joined school yet and almost all day long he used to stay at home. It was me who was worried about him and thought he might get bored all day playing with fewer toys and without any circle of friends. So every time I used to go to market, I used to buy toys for him to keep him engage at home. Since he was just two and half year old and could not read books on his own, most of the time he used to play on his own with toys as I could not make time for him to read out  books except at night before going to sleep.  

I remember when I was at his age, me and my sister hardly had one-tenth of his toys but still we were so happy and never used to get bored playing with the same old dolls and kitchen set. Then why in his case I think of him getting bored playing with same toys? I was brought up in a joint family where I used to spend time with my grand parents,cousins uncles and aunts besides my parents which my son is deprived of. And its obviously one of the reasons in today's nuclear family, that parents keep their kids engaged with toys. But is this justification enough for my son having toys which are doubled his weight? I don't think so.

I know its not the case of my son only. Kids of this generation have lots of toys. But is it healthy for a kid getting so many toys? Sometimes I really get confused. But I am sure they do not need too many toys to be entertained. Buying too many toys is not going to help them rather teach them to give away and share their toys.

 I have made up my mind. While cleaning his cupboard last weekend, I asked my son to separate those toys which he wants to give away. And surprisingly he sorted out some of them. I packed those toys and kept separately to give them away. And after going to Kolkata next month, I am going to unpack those carton boxes full of toys and giving them to poor children who don't have a single toy to play with.

The Unique Relation between a Mother-in-law and a Daughter-in-law

One of the biggest challenges of marriage for an Indian girl is to get along well with her in-laws. And when it comes about her relation with the mother-in-law, there are lots of ups and downs and she has to be little tricky to deal with it. During my professional life I have witnessed a number of marriages suffering from tension because of this bitter relation with mother-in-laws which finally ended up in divorce.
We always say to show respect to elders but every individual needs a minimum respect. Even a five year old kid can demand that. If the old lady expects respect from her daughter-in-law, it is also her duty to respect the new member of her family.

I have heard people saying that after marriage the mother-in-law gets a daughter and a daughter-in-law gets a new mother. But I really doubt. If it was so, then there would not be any case of bride burning, divorce and domestic violence and on the other hand there would not be any case of an old woman living a lonely life abandoned by her children.  

A woman always wants to be the most important person in her husband's life and there lies the problem. In most of the cases, the mother-in-law could not accept this change in her son's life and she is not ready to give her position as she was that important person in her son's life before marriage. I have heard many such stories from my friends and relatives who have suffered from such possessive attitude of their mother-in-laws that has affected not only their career but also mental health.

 But every problem has a solution. And what I think there lies the real power of a daughter-in-law. She has to be calm, patient and be positive towards her new mom-in-law. Like she is trying to get adjusted in the new family, may be that old lady is trying her best to get fit into her new role as a mother-in-law.  Its better to give some time and nurture the new relation. But that doesn't mean that the woman has to accept physical and mental torture from her mother-in-law.

In today's life, when most of the women are working and get busy with their professional life, they hardly get time to sit and chat with their mother-in-laws. But this old woman misunderstands and feels unwanted. Now the daughter-in-law has to deal it intelligently. In order to strengthen the bond between the two, she has to be a little attentive towards her mom-in-law. Preparing meals together on a weekend in the kitchen is really a good idea to spend some time together.

It is quite natural to have difference of opinions among the different family members and specially when they belong to two generations. Everyone of us has faced this with our parents but when it comes to the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relation the situation becomes worse. If both of them understand that these differences are nothing but the same that they faced with their own children and parents, much of the problem is solved.

Sometimes lack of communication creates a big problem. So it is always better to interact. If some words hurt either of the two, they must tell each other rather keeping it up bottled inside each other. Many a times talking openly prevent the relationship being stained.

I have seen mother-in-laws always comparing their lives when they were young with her daughter-in--laws. They always tell stories about how their mother-in-laws used to treat them. Sometimes they think since they were being dominated earlier, it is their right and time to dominate the young lady of her family. There lies the big mistake. They have to be aware of the social changes and know that now-a-days when every woman is being independent, she would neither tolerate her dominance nor her torture. Rather if she becomes friendly with her daughter-in-law, she will get a happier family.

Many a times the tussle between the two increases while rearing of children. Who doesn't want her child to raise up like the way she wants? But sometimes the over concern attitude of grand parents leads to constant interference which in turn spoils the relation between the two ladies. Just like mother-in-law must understand that too much love and care may spoil the kid, the daughter-in-law must also allow her kids to spend time with their grand mother.

For every lady, mother-in-law is the most important woman of her marriage and dealing with her with extreme care and caution is important to avoid maximum conflicts of marital life. Once the relation between these two women get disturbed the peace of the family is broken and the most affected person who get sand-witched between these two ladies is the man who get confused about whose side is to be taken, who is right? mother or wife !!!

My feelings when Jojo started going to play school

Ever since Jojo was born, I was waiting for the day when he will start going to a play school.  After we arrived in Finland the most important job for me was  to find a good play school for him. I was so excited to visit the schools and so happy to feel that my child has grown up and finally that big day has arrived when he will start a new journey of his life. But I never had a clue that once the door will be closed and he will be separated from me for few hours, the little one will crowd my thoughts. 

Jojo started going to school at the age of two and half years and for all these years I thought that once he will start going to school, I will have some free time to spend on my own as I was the only one to take care of him at home since his birth. But finally, when the day arrived, I was thousand times more tensed than my husband. Besides being happy I was worried thinking about how he will manage to stay alone without me, for how long will he cry, whether he will eat his lunch, whether he will behave properly at school and many such things.

I still remember it was a snowing morning and we struggled a lot to reach the school. I was more depressed when I left Jojo at the door and the teacher holding him in her lap as he was crying madly. That separation was very painful for both of us. Though the teacher consoled me and said that its very natural for every mother getting worried seeing her child crying but I felt very sad and my eyes too filled with tears. Since we had just moved to a new country, everything was new to  Jojo and so I was more anxious whether he would get adjusted with the new environment, new people, new language and everything new around him.

As I left school, I felt so lonely. I wanted to talk to someone but since my husband was busy in a meeting, I couldn't call him and since we were new to  Finland, I didn't have any friend that time to share my feelings. Those three hours was the longest time I waited till now and every five minutes I was checking time and thinking when will I meet Jojo again. After I returned home, the empty nest made me more sad and I started missing him around me.

But when I reached school and saw him playing with his friends I took a deep breath and said to myself that children are more adaptable to changes than us. And within a couple of days when he got settled and started saying goodbye to me without tears, I was relieved that at last my child started enjoying the company of his lovely teachers and other kids.

How motherhood has changed me and my life

Today while reading an article on motherhood, I realize how my life has changed over the last three years rather how I have changed. I am sure its not only about me, almost every woman changes on being a mother. By change I mean the way you see things and the way you start analyzing every minute detail. 

I remember before the birth of my son, I never let anything come between my studies and work. Initially studies and then my profession were the topmost priority of  my life. But the day Jojo was born, I was reborn. My whole world changed and from that day onward my child became my topmost priority. Sometimes I really cant recognize myself, how one can change so much? Then I realize its all about motherhood.Now before making any major decision in life, I never put myself first, its my son who is given the priority.    

Earlier neither I used to care about the time nor the weather outside before I go out but now, even if I had some urgent work, I had to be on time to pick him up from school. Every time we plan for a vacation, we had to check the weather forecast and not only vacation even if I go out for grocery shopping I check the temperature outside. Now even in order to avoid getting drenched up in rain I keep an umbrella in my bag through out the year. Because I am scared if I fall sick who will take care of Jojo. Now responsibility comes prior to enjoyment.

Cooking was never my hobby nor I knew anything about it. But now in order to make my son eat properly I had to make cooking my hobby. Every evening I had to think about what lunch I will pack for him on the next day at school. Not only that, now I have become an expert cook for the sake of my son because at any time of the day he may demand anything. Specially when he becomes sick this goes to extreme. For the past few days Jojo is suffering from cough and cold and is not at all eating but yesterday suddenly at lunch time while he was watching some cartoon show he said that he wants to eat noddles. I was surprised that how come he is asking for food and then realized that his favourite cartoon character is eating noodles. And within ten minutes I had to prepare it otherwise he would have skipped his lunch. 

Never thought of getting poop on my fingers but if you are a mother atleast once in your lifetime you must have that experience while changing diaper of your child. Quite a few times I had that experience while changing my son's diaper and I didn't ever mind to clean it with my own hands. 

Sleeping for six to eight hours in the night at a stretch will become history once you become a mother. Specially in the initial days it is very difficult to wake up in the middle of the night to feed your baby but right now I think I am used to these breaks at night. Now automatically I wake up at night to check whether he has taken the blanket or if he needs water to drink. And if he has got fever, just cant sleep to check his temperature every hour.

Usually I take very less time to get prepared for going to a party or a wedding reception but now I could get ready withing seconds even if it is to wear a saree. It may sound funny but its the reality. After making Jojo ready, if I could comb my hair and wear a proper dress is enough for me now.

 Kids usually demand for toys while going to a super market and Jojo is not an exception to this. So every time I have to be careful to avoid going to the toy section and do my shopping as first as possible. And thus before going out for grocery shopping I always make a list before so that it would save some time and I could quickly get my stuff. 

I just couldn't remember when I last went to watch a movie at a multiplex. Now watching a movie at my own laptop is a luxury to me that also when Jojo goes to sleep. 

May be I have lost some of my freedom of sleeping, going out for movies or spend some time before the mirror but I really enjoy the challenges of being a mother. The tender touch of his little fingers and his innocent looks make me the happiest person on earth and every time when he comes running and hold his little arms around my neck, I really thank God for bringing those changes in my life and making me understood about selflessness and patience. 

Prague - the beautiful city of Europe I would like to visit once more !

Yesterday while talking to my old friend on skype who is planning to visit Prague next summer, I recalled our vacation to Prague in 2010. Yes, Prague, the capital city of Czech Republic, is one of the most interesting, historical and beautiful places in Europe I have still visited.The magical city of century old bridges, magnificent cathedrals, gold-tipped towers and domes, situated in the surface of Vltava River for more than ten centuries are enough to meet the thirst of a traveler's thirst for adventure.  

Our journey started from Budapest by bus via Bratislava and we reached Prague in the afternoon. Since we were over enthusiastic to explore the historical city, we didn't waste a moment staying in the hotel and relax. After keeping our bags and baggage we rushed to the Prague Castle, one of the largest castles in the world, covering almost an area of 70,000 metre square. The history of the castle dates back to the year 870 and I was really amazed by its architectural beauty. The castle houses several towers, cathedrals, palaces, museums and gardens and though we really got tired of walking down the cobbled roads inside we couldn't resist exploring the majestic 9th century castle. 

I remember it was raining that day but that didn't stop not only us but several tourists who had come from different parts of the world to visit the age old castle. 

The buildings were so huge that it was really difficult for me to take a picture but somehow I sat down and managed to take one. 

Surprisingly while coming back and walking down, it stopped raining and beautiful sunshine added to the glory of the city which I tried to capture from the castle. 

Our energy was still left and so we quickly went through the map to plan our next destination and decided to visit the old town square to witness the Charles Bridge, the famous historic bridge, the construction of which was finished in the beginning of 15th century and lying crosses the Vltava river. 

The statues of several saints situated across the bridge was not only unique but eye-catching too. 

My legs were literally paining and so we decided to walk sometime down the lanes of old town square and get back to hotel to store some energy for the next day.

Next day our destination was Vyshrad, the historical fort probably built in 10th century on a hill over River Vltava. The twin towers of the Basillica of St Peter and St Paul are 58 m high and I have to really raise my head high to see the top of the towers. Rebuilt in a neo gothic style, the basillica has a stone mosaic above its entry. 

Walking down the lanes of the Vysehrad we came across the cemetery, which I found the most quiet place inside the fort. It was my first visit to a burial ground and also a memorable one. Many famous artists, musicians and politicians have been buried there. The peaceful atmosphere around was really enjoyable and I never had the idea before that a cemetery could be so beautiful.

After reaching the top, we saw the ruins of the Bath of Libuse. According to legends, it is said that Princess Libuse used to take bath with her lovers there and later threw them in the river. The mesmerizing view of the ruins from the hill top was quite amazing and hearing all those age old stories I could feel the historical importance of that beautiful place.   

One more interesting thing we had seen is the famous Astronomical Clock mounted on the southern wall of the Old Town Hall and which was installed in 1410 and said that it is the third-oldest astronomical clock in the world. Its really interesting to know that the astronomical dial represents the position of the sun and moon in the sky and displays various astronomical details. 

I have written whatever I could remember but I think there is lot more to tell about this lovely place. Prague is one of the most beautiful places of East Europe and if I get an opportunity, I would love to explore this historical and magical place once more. 

Lunch at our new Finnish friend's place

Today we had a nice experience of visiting and interacting with a Finnish family in Helsinki. Let me first tell you how we get to know each other. After Kunal joined the Aalto university in Finland, we came to know of a program called Aalto Staff Family Friend Program conducted by the university itself. Its like, if we want to meet some Finnish family, to know more about their culture and life, there is a provision that we could avail. Since we both were keen to know more about Finland and its people we filled in the form so that the HR coordinator of the program finds a perfect match with some finnish family, who too are eager to meet some foreigner coming from a different country. Finally few days back we got a mail from the university and they introduced us with Mrs Anne Petroff and her family.

After an exchange of few emails we came to know about each other,our interests and hobbies and today she invited us at her home for a lovely lunch. She is working as an HR in the university while her husband is a senior lecturer at Aalto itself. When we reached, it was really nice to find them waiting for us in the courtyard. The table was decorated with a beautiful table cloth and some flowers. They welcomed us with a drink and we had a little chat sitting in the lawn. They also planned for a barbecue outside but that has to be cancelled because of the rain and so we went inside to have our lunch. They were really kind and gentle and thus not even for a second we felt that we are meeting them for the first time. Since their kids are all grown up, they couldn't find any toys for Jojo to play with. But Mrs Petroff finally got some children story books from his son's book shelf.

Usually I am not fond of pets but Kunal and Jojo love animals. So when I saw their pet dog Hesu, I was little scared but frankly speaking the dog was quite timid and didn't bark at all. I thought Jojo will be little scared to touch him but surprisingly at first sight Jojo told him Hello and put his hand on his head. He was not scared at all rather started playing with it. Mrs Petroff has beautifully decorated her drawing room with some glass lamps, green plants and other show pieces. I was really moved by her choice and creativity. At the same time feeling terribly scared of Jojo who may at any time break any of the glass pieces which were very much accessible to him. But all my fear were in vain. I saw him sat properly in the sofa and playing with Hesu and he didn't touch a single thing. 

Jojo make lot of problems while eating, he needs a cartoon show to be on in the laptop every time  he eats and everyday I have a tough time while feeding him. In order to avoid all these I was sure to have Jojo his lunch from home so that I don't have to struggle with his food at our new friend's home. But surprisingly when we all sat for our food, he said that, he too would like to join us in the table and taste some Finnish food. Me and Kunal just looked at each other because we were expecting some nuisance that he will create at the table. But again he proved us wrong. He maintained all the table manners, ate properly with fork and spoon by himself and not only that he had carrots and cumbers in salad which he never eats at home. More than being happy I was astonished by the way he behaved and when Mrs Petroff and his husband praised Jojo for his good behaviour and well manners I was smiling and thinking that perhaps he behaves like this at home, then I would be the happiest person on earth.

We tasted some typical Finnish food like boiled potatoes, smoked salmon, creamy mushrooms, cheese salads that ended up with some strawberries, ice creams and hot coffee. I took some Indian food which too we shared and they just loved it.

We really enjoyed and had a great time with Mrs Petroff and her lovely family. We get to know more about Finnish culture, Finnish food and life style and it feels good too to talk about your own country and its people. Overall it was a nice experience of cultural exchange. I look forward to meet them soon at my house for lunch or dinner which we are planning sometime in the next month. 

Meeting a true friend at hospital

Becoming sick and getting admitted to a hospital will always be a bitter experience for every human being and so for me. After my son was born I had to undergo an operation just after two months which was not only unbearable but also painful to leave my new born alone at home. Since my husband was not in town I went to the hospital with my parents and finally after all the formalities were done I was taken to the women's ward with one of the hospital staffs. 

After I entered in, seeing the morose and depressing faces of the patients who were either with oxygen masks or on saline drips, I felt like running from there. That moment I couldn't tell my mother what I was feeling inside otherwise she would be more tensed so I just prayed to God to give me strength to stay with these patients for two more days. 

Suddenly I saw a charming lady almost of my age, smiling at me and I was very happy to find my bed just next to her. Thank God, at least someone was there with whom I could talk for the rest of the day. We didn't waste time to say hi-hello and introduce each other and I came to know that she is from Sikkim but came to Kolkata for her operation which was also scheduled that night like mine. Surprisingly I found that she also studied law and presently working as a public prosecutor at Sikkim court. I was so excited to know, we had so much common to talk about. We both shared some of our professional experiences, talked about our family and I told her how badly I was missing my son who was just a couple of months old. But Nimkit, whom I am talking about, consoled me, talked about her family. She was such a sweetheart. While talking to her I totally forgot about the gloomy ambiance of the hospital.
In between, doctors came to take our medical history, sisters changed our saline bottles and suddenly Nimkit said " Anu, are you not hungry". It might sound hilarious, two patients who were on saline drips, talking about hunger, but yes we were. From morning we were on empty stomach, not even a drop of water till our operation would get over.  Anyway somehow we suppressed our hunger and waited for that great moment when we would be taken to the operation theater.
Finally in the evening, almost 10 o' clock in the night, the old lady next to my other side was taken to the operation theater. Now me and Nimkit were waiting whose turn will be next, me or she. Finally she was taken first and after her it was my turn. After I got my consciousness in the recovery room, I was looking for her and even asked a nurse about her condition.  After a few hours we were put to  our respective beds, but that night we were not in a condition to talk.
Next morning, we were feeling much better and were eagerly waiting for the doctor's permission to start our solid diet. Then whole day we kept talking, discussed various issues,shared lot of our good old memories. I met her just a day before and came so close that I didn't hesitate to share my feelings which usually I don't. Not for a moment I thought her to be a stranger. Within a day she became such a good friend. I found her to be so genuine and true which is very difficult these days to find. In the evening during the visiting hours I met her family members who were so nice and lovely. After dinner we had a walk in the hospital corridor and had a chat till late night until the nurse came and asked us to sleep. Even the hospital staff were surprised to know that we met each other just a day before as someone asked me whether we know each other from long time. Next morning I was released but she had to stay for one more day. On one side I was very happy to go home to meet my son but on the other somewhere I was feeling sad that perhaps I wont meet Nimkit again.

Never before I thought that I would meet such a lovely and cheerful person in a hospital with whom I would like to continue friendship for the rest of my life. She is one of the few balanced and strong persons, I have seen in my life. Till now we are in touch. Recently, when the devastating earthquake hit Nepal, the first person for whom I was concerned about,was her. I immediately messaged her to know whether she and her family are safe. Now I thank God for having the operation that time because unless I got admitted to the hospital I would miss the chance of meeting this wonderful lady. I think I have to visit Sikkim once in my lifetime just to meet her and give her a big hug for coming to my life as a blessing.
It doesn't take years to become friends, its the mental matching and the genuineness that two friends should have for each other to make the bond of friendship stronger.

Let Your Kids Know Your Mother Tongue

When a child first learns to speak he adapts the language that is spoken at home which is usually the mother tongue. With the aspect of globalization, people are moving from one country to another either for better life or employment which in other way is affecting kids from knowing their native language specially whose parents have moved away from their home town. I always feel that knowing your mother language is very important because it has a powerful impact to form you as an individual and shaping your thoughts and beliefs, since it is the first language a child hears while staying in her mother's womb. Speaking with kids in your mother tongue is very important since it will be easier for him to connect with his parents and relatives and he will never feel left out from his own roots. 

My son started speaking just when we arrived at Finland and since we speak in our mother tongue he also adapted it. He started forming small sentences also. I always thought that since he is too small and just started to speak, he will be confused if we speak both our mother tongue and English and so I preferred to continue with our mother language. When I admitted him to an international play school in Finland, I found that the basic problem he will face is the language. Even if he wants to drink some water he will not be able to ask for it to the teacher. I was really worried then. I met his teacher and told her about this problem and she explained the matter so nicely that all my worries were gone. The teacher told that since its an international school and kids are coming from various cultural backgrounds with different languages, they put extra efforts to realize what each and every kid is trying to say. She told that most of the kids at the age of two and half year speaks his mother tongue and whenever he will find that he is unable to explain his need, he will use sign language to explain his problem and that way the teachers deal with kids initially who only speaks mother tongue. But gradually they will pick up English language. She told me to continue speaking at our mother tongue with my son at home  since it is very important for a child to know his own language and its the duty of the parents to teach him and not to worry about his English language skills. I was so relieved. 

Whatever she said was absolutely true. Now everyday when my son comes from school he says a new English word and slowly he has started speaking also. At the same time he speaks his mother language at home. 

During my stay in Europe, I have seen how much importance these Europeans give to their mother tongue. I agree that at the present scenario of globalization one has to know English but that doesn't mean that you wont let your kids know the importance of mother tongue. Many immigrant families I have seen, have adapted English as the language to communicate with their kids but I personally feel that no parents can deprive their child from knowing his native language.  

Recently I read an article,where it was said that if a child doesn't know his language he will not be nurtured with his culture properly as the relation between language and culture is deeply rooted. And since mother tongue is a powerful tool for making the cultural ties, kids who do not know their native language will lose confidence in themselves and the nation to which they belong and will have no other option but to seek an alternate identity.

I think wherever you are, whether in your home country or a foreign country, it is the responsibility of parents to teach their children the mother tongue and also to respect for the same, otherwise it will be difficult to bridge the emotional gap between parents and kids. 

Dowry Death

The most common culture of the western part of the world is that a boy meets a girl, both fall in love and they get married. Though India has developed in various aspects but still in many families it holds the traditional concept of Arranged Marriage. The parents and the family members play an important role in case of arranged marriages. Then when the marriage becomes final the boy's family come to the point of, how much gold, cash and other articles the bride's parents can provide to their daughter. Though it is not common now a days but in many parts of India it is a common practice and that leads to Dowry System. 

As far as I know Dowry system in India is prevalent since the Vedic period. In the Epic period the gifts from parents, brothers and relatives at the time of marriage are considered as the property of the woman better known as Stridhan. Dowry as a consequence of the ancient religious custom of Hindu marriages for maintaining caste hierarchy are not the only consideration for marriage today. At present in India several factors have reinforced the evil custom of dowry. Now not only the higher caste but the higher education of the bridegroom demands more money. Isn't it sounding strange? But its true. In some parts of India like Bihar, Uttar Pradesh & Punjab, an IAS Officer as a groom will demand more dowry and thus now there have been grades of dowry for different grades of profession & qualification. Receiving dowry for a son's marriage and giving dowry for a daughter's marriage have become a social status of the family and the only scapegoat in the whole process is the bride. 

So in India it is a common practice that after a girl child is born, her parents starts accumulating gold for her marriage and they start the savings that can be used at the time of her marriage and this way, the birth of a girl child seemed to be expensive to the family. This has again lead to another social issue of killing female foeticide. Modern day technology has made easier to this job of determining the sex of the fetus before birth and taking advantage of this technology many parents kill the female fetus. Despite of the acts & regulations there are several private clinics which are performing this act of sex determination privately against a huge amount of money. Its so horrifying. How could parents kill their own child, the little one, before he could see mother earth? 

Among those who have born in the heavenly earth, some have to sacrifice their lives later at the hands of their in-laws. It is a common picture in India that when the bride' s parents are not in a position to meet the greedy needs of their in-laws even after marriage, the brides are tortured both physically & mentally by their in-laws. A very common practice of killing the bride in India is bride-burning, when a young woman is murdered by her husband or his family for her family's refusal to pay additional dowry. The wife is typically doused with kerosene, gasoline or other flammable liquid, and set alight, leading to death by fire.

Whenever I read about bride burning in newspapers or watch such cases on television I remember an incident that occurred in our locality several years ago. I was in school that time. I couldn't forget that frightful night when we suddenly heard someone crying and shouting very badly. We were having dinner that time. My father came out of the house. Few people also came out hearing that noise. Everyone was saying that a young lady  residing in one of the houses very near to ours, has been burned. Rumors were that it was an accident while she went to prepare tea for her in-laws, the stove burst, which is usually a very common lie people use to say. 

But later we came to know that it was not an accident. The father of the bride made a complaint against her in-laws and after investigation it was found to be a murder planned by the husband and the mother-in-law. And the cause of the murder was dowry. The husband and her in-laws demanded a huge sum of money after marriage which the father of the bride was unable to pay and from then onwards the torture started and finally ended in the death of that young innocent woman. And the sound we heard that night was that of this young lady who was taken to the terrace by her husband and mother-in-law, doused with kerosene and put to fire. Not only that they locked the door of the terrace from outside so that she could not escape and let her die. How cruel man could be? Is this called civilization? Is it not a shame for human being? 

We were more shocked to know that the young lady was pregnant. The child didn't came to know that his own family members killed him and his mother. Though I was very young that time but that incident left me shattered. I couldn't sleep for few nights. Still I could remember her smiling face. 

India has a number of cases every year of bride burning. However, a lot of cases do not get reported to the police so an exact number can not be recorded. But fortunately in this case, both the husband and the mother-in-law were arrested and punished. They were sentenced to jail and the old lady died in jail after a few days. 

Though several acts and laws  have been enacted to curb the Dowry System, it is our inner conscience that can stop this evil custom and save lives of thousands of young women from death.

The Locked Door

Have you ever have an experience of being locked inside or outside a room? You must be thinking what is all about being locked outside a room because everyone of us lock our room from outside while we go out. So whats a big deal in it? Yes it was a big deal for me.

Let me give some introduction before coming to the main story. When I was in Pune for my studies I used to remain as a pg (paying guest) in a doctor's house where both the landlord and the landlady were doctors. While I was searching for pg, my father found that house quite nice and he thought since the couple were doctors that would be the best choice for me to stay. I too agreed with him. Just after my father left Pune, within a few days another girl with her parents came to stay there as a paying guest. She was also from Kolkata and both me and her parents were very happy to have bong pg mates in the same house. But unfortunately she couldn't stay in my room since my room mate, another girl from Dubai had already booked her place. So the bengali girl whom we used to call Tanu stayed downstairs with her own room-mates.

The day when Tanu finally came to stay with her belongings, her parents invited me for a dinner with them. I remember, she came somewhere in the afternoon and as soon as I came to know I just closed the door of my room and rushed downstairs to welcome her. I was in my night suit, may be sleeping that time which I didn't remember now.  After I got the invitation for dinner I was very happy and again rushed upstairs to change my clothes to go out with Tanu and her parents. And here starts the story. As I was about to open the door of my room, I found that it has been locked and the keys were left inside the room. I asked my landlord to give the duplicate keys for opening. Let me say one thing that from the very first day I found the lock quite complicated. It was not a simple one. Sometimes it used to get locked automatically and we had to put efforts to open. When I asked for the duplicate keys my landlord didn't care. They said that they are busy and have no time to find the keys and didn't even bother about me. When I told all this to Tanu, she was the one who helped me. She gave her clothes, not only that, I slept that night in her room and next morning I went to college with her copy, pen and everything. I thought that after returning from college I will find my room opened but unfortunately not. Again I had to call my landlord and this time very unwillingly the lady made some effort to find the duplicate keys and opened the room. After I entered the room, I took a long breath and promised  to myself that from now onwards I will never forget to take the keys with me because its quite horrible when your room is locked with all your stuff inside and you are outside in your night suit.

Few months passed, by the time my room mate from Dubai, whom we used to call Yogi, arrived but the lock of the door still used to disturb us. We also became used to it, sometimes I used to push from inside, sometimes Yogi used to push from outside and this way we were managing somehow. We were tired of complaining about it to our landlord because those weird people never used to listen us properly. But the situation became worst one day. We were having our second semester exams, me and Yogi were studying quite late at nigh. I remember it was 12 in the night, I was about to go to the washroom which was just outside our room but the door was not opening. Oh my God, it has again been locked. Now someone from outside with the keys had to open. We immediately called our landlord and told him about the situation but as usual he didn't bother. He said us to go to sleep and he will do something in the morning. But we were sure that in the morning also he wont do anything and we will miss our exams if we cant escape from the room that night itself. Then I immediately called Tanu downstairs and told her to come upstairs and save us. She was such a braveheart. Immediately she came upstairs and started making a plan. We gave our keys to her from the window but somehow the lock was not opening and we realized that it has been broken. It was almost 1o'clock in the night, next day I had my labour law exams at 8 in the morning and I am locked inside a room. We couldn't come out from the window because it was opening towards the garden downstairs. We needed a ladder for that which we didn't have. So the only option left was to come out from the other small window which we had in the room  from where the sunlight used to come and that was opening towards the kitchen. But we had no idea about how to climb up the window to go to the other side. Anyway me and Yogi first packed our bag with a pair of clothes, books  a pair of shoes and our tooth brush. First we threw our bags to tanu from the window to the other side. Then we decided to put the chair on our study table and climb. Yogi was quite tall and so she didn't have that problem of climbing up which I had. I said that I will go first and Yogi will follow me. On the other side Tanu was waiting for us with a chair so that we didn't have to jump on the floor. But this time I had the advantage of being shorter. I somehow managed to come out of that small window but for Yogi it was becoming difficult. She took out her body but her legs got stuck. When we were helping her out, suddenly we realized that the lights of the opposite house which used to  be a boys pg, are on and they are watching the circus we are having. It was such an embarrassing moment and at the same time irritating too. But somehow Yogi managed to come out and we were free. When everything was over the landlord came downstairs and told us to sleep in another room upstairs and he will call a chabi wala next day. Next morning we went for our exams and while returning back I was having a feeling that this time also he would do nothing and I was right. My exams were on so I couldn't afford to go out and call a chabiwala and Yogi was still in college. So it was Tanu who went out and called a chabiwala while I was studying in her room. Finally the man came, broke the lock and we went in. That day I took the decision of leaving that house after my exams are over and both Yogi and Tanu were with me. Finally our exams were over and we three started looking for a new pg  accommodation before we could come home for a vacation.

Later whenever we discussed about that stupid door we used to laugh and have fun. Even today while I was remembering the whole incident I was laughing on my own but really it was a frightful experience of my life. Both the time, it was Tanu who came for the help and I will never forget the support she gave.

Few Minutes Separation from My Son

The bond between a mother and a child is perhaps the strongest bond that nature has ever created. From the time a woman comes to know that she has conceived, this bond is created and I think no relation can be so intense as between a mother and her child. It’s the pure unconditional love that makes a mother worried if she finds her child in trouble.

So have you ever imagined how scary it would be if you have gone to a busy place and suddenly found that your child is missing? Yes, my mother had this horrible experience when I was a child. Going back to my childhood days, I remember, my mother used to pick me and my elder sister from school and we used to come home by rickshaw. From school we used to take one rickshaw and after we reach the station, we crossed the rail bridge and took another rickshaw to reach home. One day, after we reached the rail bridge, the rickshaw-puller asked for the exact fare which my mother didn’t have and so she hurried to a shop to buy something to make a change of fifty rupees. My sister followed her but I didn’t. It was not intentional. Suddenly I found that my mother and sister are missing. I hurriedly crossed the rail bridge thinking that they would have crossed it but unable to find them I asked a rickshaw puller to take me home. I also said that since I don't have money I will pay him after I reach home. I was then 5 years old. The rickshaw puller was really shocked and scared of what I said but I didn't care, I just sat on his rickshaw and waiting to reach my destination. 

On the other side my mother was so worried and scared that she was thinking whether to call my dad in office or to call the police. She searched everywhere but never had the idea that I could cross the
bridge and reach the other side of the road. But while asking few people she came to know that a small girl of my age with red suitcase in hand had crossed the bridge. Hearing that she hurriedly came and found me sitting on a rickshaw. I think that was her happiest moment to find her daughter. 

Few months back we came to Finland from India and before we were about to shift to our rented apartment one day me and my husband went out for shopping to some super market to buy the household items. My son Jojo was also with us and playing with some cars there but suddenly we found that he is missing. We looked for him inside the shop, called by his name but no response. For a moment I was black out and remember that day when I went missing for sometime. We hurriedly went outside and found that a man was accompanying him. Actually he found Jojo playing alone in the parking area and was about to bring him inside the shop. Till now this is the most scary moment of my life. Those few moments were like hell to me. 

That day I realized how my mother felt when I went missing. Never before I could realize her feelings. When I told all about this to my mom, she also recalled that day when she couldn't find me and said that a mother cant tolerate a few minutes of separation from her child if she finds that her child is not safe. 

So imagine, how those distress mothers feel, whose children went missing and still they are in a hope to get them back. I wish every mother get their missing child back because without them a mother's life is not only incomplete but also unbearable.