Saying Goodbye has always been so painful

My first painful goodbye was at the age of 21 when I waived my mom from the train and left for my studies to Pune. I still remember how my mom was weeping and how I saved my tears till the train left. Still now when I go back home and at the time of returning I feel the same pain but now there are no more tears in my eyes rather I smile back while saying goodbye to them. 

Another painful goodbye I ever said was to my husband when I went to Budapest on a vacation and while I was returning back to India, because we didn't have any idea about when we were going to meet again. The worst part was that I hold back my tears till I left for my flight but while the flight took off I couldn't control my tears. 

But somewhere in my mind I know that though its hard to say goodbyes to your near ones but after few months or may be after a year I am going to meet them again but what about those goodbyes to those people with whom, may be I wont ever meet. The craziest part of life is that people come in and come out of life, neither one is expected but there are some with whom a bond is created and its really really tough to say goodbye to them. Every time while saying the final bye we tend to say that we would meet someday somewhere in future but the truth is that this never happens. They remain in our memories forever. 

When I left college I found saying goodbye to friends is so tough because it is hard to let go those dear ones with whom we spent most of the day, for years. Always thought of how to live without my best friends with whom I meet everyday and share every thing. Still now when I tend to get close to someone, I fear of saying goodbye to them one day. But life goes on and so we. And when you are not in your home town and constantly moving you have to accept this bitter truth.

But its really difficult to make my son realize the reality of life. Since he is now 4 years old, he knows the meaning of friendship. And being in a foreign country with people coming from different places he too has to face the problem of saying goodbye to his best friends. Very recently his best friend is leaving Finland. After hearing the news I was worried about how Jojo will react. Though I said that his friend is leaving Finland and will not come to school from the next month, he still believes that his friend must be going for a vacation and will be back soon. This is the second time that one of his best friends is leaving the country and I can feel the pain in his eyes. I know he will make new friends, he will enjoy school as usual but somewhere in his memories he will remember them.

The saddest part is that at the time when he started understanding about the meaning of relationships, what friendship is, he has to say these final goodbyes. He is too young to understand "Let things go" but I am sure as he will grow up life itself will teach him this reality.

পুজোর টানে

পুজো মানে শিউলি কাশ

রেডিও তে মহালয়া

পুজো মানে ঢাকের আওয়াজ     

নতুন জামা পড়া 

পুজো মানে দেদার আড্ডা 

প্রচুর খাওয়া দাওয়া ...........

পুজো মানে মন খারাপ 

আর কলকাতা কে মিস করা !!!

হ্যাঁ, এবারও প্রতিবারের মতন নিজের শহর, সেই তিলোত্তমা কলকাতা,  যেখানে জন্মেছি আর কেটেছে জীবনের অনেক গুলো বছর, ভীষণ ভাবে মিস করছি।  দূর্গা পুজো নিয়ে বাঙালির যে উত্ত্বেজনা, যে উন্মাদনা, যে আনন্দ, সব কিছু থেকে নিজেকে খুব বঞ্চিত বলে মনে হচ্ছে আজ।

ছোটবেলায় দূর্গা পূজা বা শরৎ কাল নিয়ে লিখেছিলাম অনেক রচনা। আজ খুব ইচ্ছে করলো পুজো নিয়ে কিছু লিখি কিন্তু লিখতে বসে মন খারাপটাই  বেশি হলো  আর তাই লেখাটা হয়ে গেলো ছন্নছাড়া।

পুরোনো স্মৃতি মনে পড়ে  গেলো।  মনে পড়ে  গেলো সেই উৎসবমুখর দিনগুলো যখন মহালয়া  থেকেই স্কুল হয়ে যেত ছুটি আর এক মাস শুধু আনন্দ আর আনন্দ।  পুজো শুরু হবার অনেক আগে থেকেই শুরু হয়ে যেত চার দিনের প্ল্যানিং। ছোট থেকেই রেডিও তে গান বা নাটক শুনতে ভীষণ ভালোবাসি তাই ভোর চারটের সময় উঠে রেডিওতে মহালয়া কোনো দিন মিস করিনি। 

যবে থেকে পাড়ায় পুজোর লাইট জ্বলতে শুরু করতো তবে থেকেই মনটা কেমন আনন্দে ভোরে যেত।বাড়ির সামনেই একটি দূর্গা পুজো হতো বলা ভালো এখনো হয়। ষষ্ঠীর  দিন ভোরবেলা ঘুম ভাঙতো ঢাকের আওয়াজে।
মা এর মামার বাড়ি উত্তর কলকাতার গিরিশ পার্কে এবং সেখানে দূর্গা পুজো হয়।  পুজোটা কয়েকশো বছর পুরোনো হবে।  ছোট বেলায় প্রতি অষ্টমীতে সেখানেই যাওয়া হতো।  সকাল বেলায় অঞ্জলি দেওয়া থেকে শুরু করে, ভোগ খাওয়া এবং সন্ধি পুজো অবধি দিনটা সেখানেই কেটে যেত। ষষ্ঠীর  দিন রাতে বাবা গাড়ি করে বিভিন্ন্য প্যান্ডেল ঘোরাতো , সপ্তমীটা থাকতো বন্ধুদের জন্য আর নবমীতে বাড়িতে আসতো কোনো গেস্ট। দশমীতে হতো হুল্লোড়। পিসিরা কাকারা সবাই আসতো দাদু ঠাকুমা কে প্রণাম করতে আর সকাল থেকেই বাড়ি গমগম করতো। সঙ্গে চলতো মা, কাকিমা আর পিসিদের হাতের দারুণ সব রান্না,খাওয়া-দাওয়া আর প্রচুর আড্ডা। তার পর সন্ধেবেলা সবাই কে প্রণাম করে জুটতো পাড়ার মিষ্টির দোকানের চন্দ্রপুলি আর মিহিদানা। 

২০০২ সাল থেকে আর কলকাতার দূর্গা পুজো দেখা হয়নি। মাঝে তিন বছর ছিলাম তার পর আবার ২০০৮ সাল থেকে কলকাতার বাইরে পুজো কেটেছে। পশ্চিম বঙ্গের বাইরে এমন কি দেশের বাইরেও দূর্গা পুজো কাটিয়েছি কিন্তু কোথাও যেন মিস করি নিজের শহরের পুজোর সেই গন্ধটা।

আজ যতই সাজ-গোজ করি আর হৈ  হুল্লোড় করি,  মিস করি সেই রেডিওতে মহালয়া শোনা, ঢাকের আওয়াজে ঘুম ভাঙা, পাড়ার দোকানের সেই চন্দ্রপুলি-মিহিদানা আর উৎসবের দিনে প্রিয়জনদের কাছে পাওয়া। 

আগে খারাপ লাগাটা এতো প্রবল ছিলোনা, কিন্তু যত বয়স বাড়ছে খারাপ লাগাটাও বাড়ছে। একেই বলে বোধ হয় শিকড়ের টান।  

An Unforgettable Experience in Finland

There can't be anything worse than seeing your own child sick. Its so disheartening to see him in pain with gloomy eyes and a weak body. This is what every mom has experienced and so am I. But the situation became worst last year after we arrived at Finland.

Moving abroad  is much easier when you are single or without kids but once you have kids, moving overseas becomes quite difficult and that could be a real test on the strength of parents. So before coming here I was too worried about Jojo since we came in winter and he is not used to this cold temperature. But everything sorted out easily. He started going to school.

But after going to school for two weeks one day Jojo returned from school with high temperature. We thought the fever to be some viral which will be fine within a couple of days but we didn't know about some scary situations waiting for us. A day after, in the middle of the night, Jojo's fever became very high and even the medicines were not working rather he started shivering. It was 1o' clock in the night, we couldn't understand what to do and whom to call for help. I felt so helpless and perhaps that was the worst moment in my life till date. Then suddenly I remember the emergency number where one can call in case of an emergency. I didn't care whether we had that much emergency to call at the number but I called immediately.

I didn't expect such a great response from them. They asked me every detail like the child's age, what problem he is having and finally asked for our address because they will be sending a medical team to help us and if needed they will take us to the hospital too. For a second I was relieved. And within ten minutes an ambulance arrived at our door and two nurses came having all the necessities starting from oxygen mask to saline bottle with them. One of them sat in the chair with her laptop opened and immediately called the doctor and the other started the investigations. She took Jojo's temperature, checked his throat, eyes and pulse and asked me to give a moist towel. She herself took off Jojo's clothes, started rubbing his whole body with that wet towel and gave him some comfort. When they found that we had few medicines left, they even gave some extra medicines in case we need. Not only that they waited till Jojo's fever gone down, consoled us and told not to worry.

After they left, I just thanked God. Perhaps this is the advantage of living in a developed country. I don't know about other countries but in Finland, the way the emergency service helped us is unbelievable and unforgettable. This incident is something which I wont forget in my life.

How virtual friendship turned to real friendship

Even a year back I didn't know this person and today perhaps she is the one with whom I talk almost everyday. Yes, I am talking about Paramita whom I met last year on facebook before she came to Finland. She is one of the best persons I met on facebook. 

Before we met personally, our relation was quite formal which I believe to be quite natural for two persons who didn't know each other. After she reached Finland with her family and contacted me, I was eager to meet them and invited them on dinner. And I will never ever forget that day of our first meeting because that day before they would arrive, Jojo  broke his hand and we had to rush to the hospital.I was in extreme dilemma whether to cancel that dinner or wait till Jojo's plaster was done. And the first time we talked on phone was from hospital asking them to come a little late. Now I think I had taken the right decision not to cancel that first meeting, otherwise I would have perhaps missed the opportunity to meet her.

On our very first meeting, I found her to be quite open-minded, friendly and obviously there were certain things common between us and I felt very comfortable talking to her. It didn't seem that we met for the first time. From that day onward still now, I think I have not talked so much with a person whom I met just a few months back. Never thought of getting such a dear friend in Finland, the friendship which I will cherish for the rest of my life.We talked, we laughed, spent some sleepless nights talking to each other, we traveled together, cooked together, went shopping and really enjoyed some lovely moments together.
I always believe that friendship is not about whom I know for a long time. It can happen at any age, at any point of time but the only thing is about to find a like-minded people, which is difficult these days. But I am lucky enough to find her.

The day when we came back from India last month, she came all the way in the snow to reach some homemade food so that I don't have to cook after reaching home. This is something I will never ever forget in my life. I never look at the clock before dialing her phone and never hesitate to say whatever I feel. This is perhaps true friendship is all about. Even when we couldn't meet in the snowy days we talked on phone and perhaps have exchanged some thousands of messages on facebook.

But its time to say good-bye since she is leaving Finland soon. Needless to say that I will miss her. But hope to meet some day back in India and I wish her a happy life ahead with the evergreen smile she wears on her face. 

Miss those days of still photographs

Looking back through old photographs and albums is something I enjoy since childhood days. I remember whenever my exams got over, first thing I used to do is opening up the cupboard where my mom kept all the photo albums and have a look at the old photographs. Still now, whenever I go home, at least once I open that cupboard to have a look at those old pictures to refresh my childhood memories. 

This time when I went to India, I showed some of my childhood photos to Jojo and he couldn't believe that the little girl who is almost of his age could be his mother. He asked me, " Ma, who is she?" and when I said its me, he was so excited and the smile on his face made me so happy. And I really appreciate the way my mother has kept all our childhood photos. May be some of them have faded but none are lost or damaged. 

Since my birth, I have seen that still camera which my father still uses and it has captured several memorable moments of our life. Its a Minolta camera which his friend got from US as a gift and still now he takes good care of it. There was a shop in New Market at Kolkata from where he used to buy the film and also developed the negatives. The camera had become a member of our family as it has witnessed each and every occasion at home, every place we have traveled and every moment we wished to remember. 

With one film we could take 36 photos and so my father was very particular while taking out photos so that none were wasted and he could capture 36 perfect pictures. And the most exciting moment was to wait for the day when he would take the delivery of the prints from the studio and literally me and my sister used to fight about who will see the photos first. Then keeping them in the album and putting dates with a little description about the place and the moment on every album were something I used to enjoy.  

But with the development of technology, we are now used to digital photography. Now, in the age of selfies, we just don't care to take hundreds of photos at a time. We keep on clicking the camera till we look perfect with our eyes properly opened, a perfect smile on our face, a beautiful background and so on. Now all our photos are kept in facebook albums instead of those old albums with hard covers. Now we don't have to wait for getting the negatives to be developed, rather within a second could see the photos and don't even hesitate to delete them immediately if not clicked properly. 

I too before buying my smart phone, checked the camera on it so that I could take some good photos. But still I miss those films, still photographs, that old camera of my father, the containers in which the films were kept and specially that wonderful feeling of getting the negatives developed.

Had my morning tea at 2 o'clock in the night

Yesterday was a very bad day for me, rather I should say a day when everything went wrong. Till 10 o' clock in the morning, everything was fine and going as per my schedule but after that everything stopped. My tab stopped working with no internet connection at home. For a while I felt so disconnected from the whole world. I realized how dependent we are these days on internet. I can skip a day's meal but without internet connection, cant think of surviving. 

I struggled a lot to use my mobile to get the internet connection. I put the data card on my mobile but everything was in vain and for ten hours there was not net connection at home. I somehow managed but managing Jojo in the evening without internet was little difficult. After Kunal came from office, somehow he managed to switch on the tab and get back the internet connection. I felt so relieved. Before going to bed I set the alarm on my mobile at 6 o' clock in the morning and went to sleep. 

As usual I woke up at 6 o' clock and brushed my teeth, made tea for myself and had it. I checked my tab to see whether it is working properly or not. My tab was showing the time 1.30 am. I was sure that may be yesterday we switched it on and off quite a few times and so the time has not been set properly.I prepared breakfast and also packed the lunch box for Kunal. Since both father and son were not waking up, I switch on the lights of the bed room too. I called Jojo quite a few times but he didn't wake up. Before getting ready to drop Jojo at school, I usually put my wrist watch and surprisingly it showed the time 2 o' clock. For a second, I thought, has it stopped working? Then I doubt. I checked my table clock and it was really 2 o' clock at night. Oh God !!! Then I realized its not the tab or the wrist watch, its my mobile. May be yesterday while switching it on, I forgot to set the time. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the middle of the night. 

Since in Finland now the sun has become a late riser and never rises before 9 o' clock, its really difficult to realize whether its 6 o' clock in the morning or 2 o' clock at night. Immediately I switched off the lights before Jojo would wake up and went to bed. But I couldn't sleep. Till 4 o' clock I was awake and after that went to sleep and again woke up at 6 in the morning. But this time its really 6 a.m. 

Within a next few days we are going to India and we have to reach airport by 3 o' clock at night to catch our morning flight. For few days, I was thinking how difficult will it be to wake up at the middle of the night and get ready for the airport. Now I am sure, God has listened to this and perhaps made me a rehearsal for the same. 

Whatever it is, while brushing my teeth again and having tea for the second time, I found the incident quite funny. Perhaps this is one of the funniest moments of my life till now and just cant resist to share with you all. 

Kids having too many toys these days

Last Sunday when I was cleaning my son's cupboard, I was really shocked to see the huge number of toys he has collected in the last few months. I should rectify myself here. Its not him who has collected, its us, the parents who are responsible for it and have bought so many of them. When at the beginning of this year we have moved to Finland, I remember I packed a few small cars and two sets of blocks with us in the suitcase and left four carton boxes of toys back in Kolkata. All those toys he received as gifts since birth from friends and relatives, some of which he never used and they are still kept lying in the boxes.

When we arrived in Finland it was too cold and he had not joined school yet and almost all day long he used to stay at home. It was me who was worried about him and thought he might get bored all day playing with fewer toys and without any circle of friends. So every time I used to go to market, I used to buy toys for him to keep him engage at home. Since he was just two and half year old and could not read books on his own, most of the time he used to play on his own with toys as I could not make time for him to read out  books except at night before going to sleep.  

I remember when I was at his age, me and my sister hardly had one-tenth of his toys but still we were so happy and never used to get bored playing with the same old dolls and kitchen set. Then why in his case I think of him getting bored playing with same toys? I was brought up in a joint family where I used to spend time with my grand parents,cousins uncles and aunts besides my parents which my son is deprived of. And its obviously one of the reasons in today's nuclear family, that parents keep their kids engaged with toys. But is this justification enough for my son having toys which are doubled his weight? I don't think so.

I know its not the case of my son only. Kids of this generation have lots of toys. But is it healthy for a kid getting so many toys? Sometimes I really get confused. But I am sure they do not need too many toys to be entertained. Buying too many toys is not going to help them rather teach them to give away and share their toys.

 I have made up my mind. While cleaning his cupboard last weekend, I asked my son to separate those toys which he wants to give away. And surprisingly he sorted out some of them. I packed those toys and kept separately to give them away. And after going to Kolkata next month, I am going to unpack those carton boxes full of toys and giving them to poor children who don't have a single toy to play with.