Had my morning tea at 2 o'clock in the night

Yesterday was a very bad day for me, rather I should say a day when everything went wrong. Till 10 o' clock in the morning, everything was fine and going as per my schedule but after that everything stopped. My tab stopped working with no internet connection at home. For a while I felt so disconnected from the whole world. I realized how dependent we are these days on internet. I can skip a day's meal but without internet connection, cant think of surviving. 

I struggled a lot to use my mobile to get the internet connection. I put the data card on my mobile but everything was in vain and for ten hours there was not net connection at home. I somehow managed but managing Jojo in the evening without internet was little difficult. After Kunal came from office, somehow he managed to switch on the tab and get back the internet connection. I felt so relieved. Before going to bed I set the alarm on my mobile at 6 o' clock in the morning and went to sleep. 

As usual I woke up at 6 o' clock and brushed my teeth, made tea for myself and had it. I checked my tab to see whether it is working properly or not. My tab was showing the time 1.30 am. I was sure that may be yesterday we switched it on and off quite a few times and so the time has not been set properly.I prepared breakfast and also packed the lunch box for Kunal. Since both father and son were not waking up, I switch on the lights of the bed room too. I called Jojo quite a few times but he didn't wake up. Before getting ready to drop Jojo at school, I usually put my wrist watch and surprisingly it showed the time 2 o' clock. For a second, I thought, has it stopped working? Then I doubt. I checked my table clock and it was really 2 o' clock at night. Oh God !!! Then I realized its not the tab or the wrist watch, its my mobile. May be yesterday while switching it on, I forgot to set the time. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the middle of the night. 

Since in Finland now the sun has become a late riser and never rises before 9 o' clock, its really difficult to realize whether its 6 o' clock in the morning or 2 o' clock at night. Immediately I switched off the lights before Jojo would wake up and went to bed. But I couldn't sleep. Till 4 o' clock I was awake and after that went to sleep and again woke up at 6 in the morning. But this time its really 6 a.m. 

Within a next few days we are going to India and we have to reach airport by 3 o' clock at night to catch our morning flight. For few days, I was thinking how difficult will it be to wake up at the middle of the night and get ready for the airport. Now I am sure, God has listened to this and perhaps made me a rehearsal for the same. 

Whatever it is, while brushing my teeth again and having tea for the second time, I found the incident quite funny. Perhaps this is one of the funniest moments of my life till now and just cant resist to share with you all. 

Kids having too many toys these days

Last Sunday when I was cleaning my son's cupboard, I was really shocked to see the huge number of toys he has collected in the last few months. I should rectify myself here. Its not him who has collected, its us, the parents who are responsible for it and have bought so many of them. When at the beginning of this year we have moved to Finland, I remember I packed a few small cars and two sets of blocks with us in the suitcase and left four carton boxes of toys back in Kolkata. All those toys he received as gifts since birth from friends and relatives, some of which he never used and they are still kept lying in the boxes.

When we arrived in Finland it was too cold and he had not joined school yet and almost all day long he used to stay at home. It was me who was worried about him and thought he might get bored all day playing with fewer toys and without any circle of friends. So every time I used to go to market, I used to buy toys for him to keep him engage at home. Since he was just two and half year old and could not read books on his own, most of the time he used to play on his own with toys as I could not make time for him to read out  books except at night before going to sleep.  

I remember when I was at his age, me and my sister hardly had one-tenth of his toys but still we were so happy and never used to get bored playing with the same old dolls and kitchen set. Then why in his case I think of him getting bored playing with same toys? I was brought up in a joint family where I used to spend time with my grand parents,cousins uncles and aunts besides my parents which my son is deprived of. And its obviously one of the reasons in today's nuclear family, that parents keep their kids engaged with toys. But is this justification enough for my son having toys which are doubled his weight? I don't think so.

I know its not the case of my son only. Kids of this generation have lots of toys. But is it healthy for a kid getting so many toys? Sometimes I really get confused. But I am sure they do not need too many toys to be entertained. Buying too many toys is not going to help them rather teach them to give away and share their toys.

 I have made up my mind. While cleaning his cupboard last weekend, I asked my son to separate those toys which he wants to give away. And surprisingly he sorted out some of them. I packed those toys and kept separately to give them away. And after going to Kolkata next month, I am going to unpack those carton boxes full of toys and giving them to poor children who don't have a single toy to play with.

The Unique Relation between a Mother-in-law and a Daughter-in-law

One of the biggest challenges of marriage for an Indian girl is to get along well with her in-laws. And when it comes about her relation with the mother-in-law, there are lots of ups and downs and she has to be little tricky to deal with it. During my professional life I have witnessed a number of marriages suffering from tension because of this bitter relation with mother-in-laws which finally ended up in divorce.
We always say to show respect to elders but every individual needs a minimum respect. Even a five year old kid can demand that. If the old lady expects respect from her daughter-in-law, it is also her duty to respect the new member of her family.

I have heard people saying that after marriage the mother-in-law gets a daughter and a daughter-in-law gets a new mother. But I really doubt. If it was so, then there would not be any case of bride burning, divorce and domestic violence and on the other hand there would not be any case of an old woman living a lonely life abandoned by her children.  

A woman always wants to be the most important person in her husband's life and there lies the problem. In most of the cases, the mother-in-law could not accept this change in her son's life and she is not ready to give her position as she was that important person in her son's life before marriage. I have heard many such stories from my friends and relatives who have suffered from such possessive attitude of their mother-in-laws that has affected not only their career but also mental health.

 But every problem has a solution. And what I think there lies the real power of a daughter-in-law. She has to be calm, patient and be positive towards her new mom-in-law. Like she is trying to get adjusted in the new family, may be that old lady is trying her best to get fit into her new role as a mother-in-law.  Its better to give some time and nurture the new relation. But that doesn't mean that the woman has to accept physical and mental torture from her mother-in-law.

In today's life, when most of the women are working and get busy with their professional life, they hardly get time to sit and chat with their mother-in-laws. But this old woman misunderstands and feels unwanted. Now the daughter-in-law has to deal it intelligently. In order to strengthen the bond between the two, she has to be a little attentive towards her mom-in-law. Preparing meals together on a weekend in the kitchen is really a good idea to spend some time together.

It is quite natural to have difference of opinions among the different family members and specially when they belong to two generations. Everyone of us has faced this with our parents but when it comes to the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relation the situation becomes worse. If both of them understand that these differences are nothing but the same that they faced with their own children and parents, much of the problem is solved.

Sometimes lack of communication creates a big problem. So it is always better to interact. If some words hurt either of the two, they must tell each other rather keeping it up bottled inside each other. Many a times talking openly prevent the relationship being stained.

I have seen mother-in-laws always comparing their lives when they were young with her daughter-in--laws. They always tell stories about how their mother-in-laws used to treat them. Sometimes they think since they were being dominated earlier, it is their right and time to dominate the young lady of her family. There lies the big mistake. They have to be aware of the social changes and know that now-a-days when every woman is being independent, she would neither tolerate her dominance nor her torture. Rather if she becomes friendly with her daughter-in-law, she will get a happier family.

Many a times the tussle between the two increases while rearing of children. Who doesn't want her child to raise up like the way she wants? But sometimes the over concern attitude of grand parents leads to constant interference which in turn spoils the relation between the two ladies. Just like mother-in-law must understand that too much love and care may spoil the kid, the daughter-in-law must also allow her kids to spend time with their grand mother.

For every lady, mother-in-law is the most important woman of her marriage and dealing with her with extreme care and caution is important to avoid maximum conflicts of marital life. Once the relation between these two women get disturbed the peace of the family is broken and the most affected person who get sand-witched between these two ladies is the man who get confused about whose side is to be taken, who is right? mother or wife !!!

দিদির সঙ্গে খুনশুটির দিনগুলো

বাবা, মা আর কুণাল ছাড়া আমার ঝগড়া করা এবং রাগ দেখানোর আরেকটি লোক হলো আমার দিদি।আজ দিদি ফেসবুকএ আমাদের দুজনের ছোটবেলার একটা ছবি পোস্ট করায় ছোটবেলার অনেক স্মৃতি মনে পড়ে গেল আর সেই স্মৃতি চারণ করতেই আমার এই লেখা। 

আমি যখন জন্মাই দিদি তখন বছর চারেকের। মা এর কাছে শুনেছি মা নাকি যখন ভোরবেলা স্কুলএ চলে যেত আমার দুধের বোতলটা তৈরী করে দিদির হাতে ধরিয়ে দিলে ওই আমায় দুধ খাইয়ে দিত। 

দিদি আর আমি দুজনে খুবই বিপরীত স্বভাবের সেই ছোট থেকেই। দিদি যতোটাই শান্ত আমি ততটাই দুষ্টু। এই বয়সে নিজেকে দুষ্টু বলাটা কতখানি ঠিক জানি না তবে এখনো মা তো তাই বলে। আর আমার নিজের মেনে নিতেও কোনো অসুবিধা নেই। আমি নি:সন্দেহে খুব পাজি।  ছোটবেলায় আমাদের খুব ঝগড়া ঝাটি এমনকি মারামারিও হত।  মারামারি টা তবে  আমিই শুরু করতাম। তার পর দিদি যখন আমার একটা হাত ধরে বেঁকিয়ে ধরত তখন আমি মা মা করে চিত্কার করতাম। গায়ের জোড়ে কোনো দিনই পেরে উঠতাম না। চুল ধরে টানাটানিও হয়েছে অনেক যাকে বলে চুলোচুলি।  আমার কত চুল যে দিদি তুলে দিয়েছে তাই বোধয় চুলের আজ এই অবস্থা। 

জয়পুর বেড়াতে গিয়ে একটা লেপ কেনা হয়েছিল মনে আছে।  লাল হলুদ রঙের সাটিন এর লেপটা দেখতেও যেমন সুন্দর ছিল, তেমনই ছিল বিশাল বড়। অনায়াসে দুজন গায়ে দিয়ে শোয়া যেত। কিন্তু লেপটা কেনার পর থেকেই আমি ওটা কাউকে নিতে দিতাম না। নিজে একা গায়ে দিয়ে শোব বলে খুব ঝামেলা করতাম।  একদিন ও  দিদিকে  নিতে দিতাম না। দিদিরও খুব ইচ্ছে করত ওটা নিতে কিন্তু আমি খুব জেদাজেদি করতাম। এই নিয়ে অনেক বকাও  খেয়েছি মা এর কাছে। আর যেই একটু গরম পরে যেত তখুনি ভালো মানুষের মতন দিদি কে বলতাম " এবার তুই লেপটা গায়ে দে" ।

যেই একটু বড় হলাম মানে যখন দুজনের জামার সাইজ এক, তখন শুরু হলো আরেক বিপদ। দিদি খুব বলত দুজন দুজনের জামা এক্সচেঞ্জ করে পরার কথা।  আমি আনন্দের সঙ্গে ওর  জামা গুলো পরে বেরোতাম কিন্তু আমার জামা গুলো দিদি পরলেই ঝামেলা করতাম। আর দিদি খালি বলত " কি হিংসুটে রে তুই, একটুও শেয়ার করতে শিখলি না "। 

আরেকটা জিনিস নিয়ে খুব ঝগড়া হত সেটা হলো দুপুরবেলা মা এর পাশে কে শোবে। আমি কিছুতেই দিদিকে মা এর পাশে শুতে দিতাম না।  এমনকি মা কে  মাঝখানেও শুতে দিতাম না। 

তবে এত ঝগড়া মারপিট খুনশুটির  মাঝেও কিন্তু ছিল একটা বন্ধুত্বের সম্পর্ক।  একই ঘরে দুজনে থাকতাম এবং দুজনের দুটো পড়ার  টেবিল ছিল।  আমাদের ঘরটা ছিল তিন তলায় আর মা বাবা থাকত এক তলায়। পড়তে বসেই শুরু হত দুজনের গল্প।  সারাদিন স্কুলএ কি হলো , এটা ওটা আর যেই সিঁড়ি দিয়ে মা এর পায়ের আওয়াজ পেতাম অমনি দুজনেই চুপ।  মা বুঝতে পেরে একদিন কোনো শব্দ না করেই যখন ঘরে ঢুকে পড়ল সেদিন কপালে জুটেছিল  ভীষণ বকুনি আর তার পরেই দুজনের পড়ার  জায়গা হয়ে গেল আলাদা। 

জীবনের একুশটা বছর এক ঘরে এক সঙ্গে কাটিয়েছি দিদির সঙ্গে।  তার পর আমি চলে গেলাম বাইরে পড়তে আর কিছু দিন পর হয়ে গেল দিদির বিয়ে। তার পর থেকে আর কটা রাত যে এক সাথে কাটিয়েছি সেটা গুণে বলে দেওয়া যায়।  এখন দেখা হলে সারা রাত কেটে যায় গল্প করতে। গত পাঁচ বছর তো এক শহরেই থাকা হয়না।  এখন সপ্তাহে একটা দিন স্কাইপিতে কথা বলার জন্য অধীর ভাবে অপেখ্যা করে থাকি।  অনেক সময় নিজেদের ব্যস্ততার কারণে সপ্তাহে এক দিনও হয়ত কথা বলা হয়ে ওঠে না।  

কোথায় হারিয়ে গেল সেই ছোটবেলা। কোথায় হারিয়ে গেল সেই ঝগড়া মারপিট আর খুনসুটি করা।  ভীষণ মিস করি সেই সব দিন গুলো।  ছোটবেলায় মনে হত কবে বড় হবো আর আজ মনে হয় ছোটবেলাটাই ছিল সবচেয়ে ভালো।  

My feelings when Jojo started going to play school

Ever since Jojo was born, I was waiting for the day when he will start going to a play school.  After we arrived in Finland the most important job for me was  to find a good play school for him. I was so excited to visit the schools and so happy to feel that my child has grown up and finally that big day has arrived when he will start a new journey of his life. But I never had a clue that once the door will be closed and he will be separated from me for few hours, the little one will crowd my thoughts. 

Jojo started going to school at the age of two and half years and for all these years I thought that once he will start going to school, I will have some free time to spend on my own as I was the only one to take care of him at home since his birth. But finally, when the day arrived, I was thousand times more tensed than my husband. Besides being happy I was worried thinking about how he will manage to stay alone without me, for how long will he cry, whether he will eat his lunch, whether he will behave properly at school and many such things.

I still remember it was a snowing morning and we struggled a lot to reach the school. I was more depressed when I left Jojo at the door and the teacher holding him in her lap as he was crying madly. That separation was very painful for both of us. Though the teacher consoled me and said that its very natural for every mother getting worried seeing her child crying but I felt very sad and my eyes too filled with tears. Since we had just moved to a new country, everything was new to  Jojo and so I was more anxious whether he would get adjusted with the new environment, new people, new language and everything new around him.

As I left school, I felt so lonely. I wanted to talk to someone but since my husband was busy in a meeting, I couldn't call him and since we were new to  Finland, I didn't have any friend that time to share my feelings. Those three hours was the longest time I waited till now and every five minutes I was checking time and thinking when will I meet Jojo again. After I returned home, the empty nest made me more sad and I started missing him around me.

But when I reached school and saw him playing with his friends I took a deep breath and said to myself that children are more adaptable to changes than us. And within a couple of days when he got settled and started saying goodbye to me without tears, I was relieved that at last my child started enjoying the company of his lovely teachers and other kids.

How motherhood has changed me and my life

Today while reading an article on motherhood, I realize how my life has changed over the last three years rather how I have changed. I am sure its not only about me, almost every woman changes on being a mother. By change I mean the way you see things and the way you start analyzing every minute detail. 

I remember before the birth of my son, I never let anything come between my studies and work. Initially studies and then my profession were the topmost priority of  my life. But the day Jojo was born, I was reborn. My whole world changed and from that day onward my child became my topmost priority. Sometimes I really cant recognize myself, how one can change so much? Then I realize its all about motherhood.Now before making any major decision in life, I never put myself first, its my son who is given the priority.    

Earlier neither I used to care about the time nor the weather outside before I go out but now, even if I had some urgent work, I had to be on time to pick him up from school. Every time we plan for a vacation, we had to check the weather forecast and not only vacation even if I go out for grocery shopping I check the temperature outside. Now even in order to avoid getting drenched up in rain I keep an umbrella in my bag through out the year. Because I am scared if I fall sick who will take care of Jojo. Now responsibility comes prior to enjoyment.

Cooking was never my hobby nor I knew anything about it. But now in order to make my son eat properly I had to make cooking my hobby. Every evening I had to think about what lunch I will pack for him on the next day at school. Not only that, now I have become an expert cook for the sake of my son because at any time of the day he may demand anything. Specially when he becomes sick this goes to extreme. For the past few days Jojo is suffering from cough and cold and is not at all eating but yesterday suddenly at lunch time while he was watching some cartoon show he said that he wants to eat noddles. I was surprised that how come he is asking for food and then realized that his favourite cartoon character is eating noodles. And within ten minutes I had to prepare it otherwise he would have skipped his lunch. 

Never thought of getting poop on my fingers but if you are a mother atleast once in your lifetime you must have that experience while changing diaper of your child. Quite a few times I had that experience while changing my son's diaper and I didn't ever mind to clean it with my own hands. 

Sleeping for six to eight hours in the night at a stretch will become history once you become a mother. Specially in the initial days it is very difficult to wake up in the middle of the night to feed your baby but right now I think I am used to these breaks at night. Now automatically I wake up at night to check whether he has taken the blanket or if he needs water to drink. And if he has got fever, just cant sleep to check his temperature every hour.

Usually I take very less time to get prepared for going to a party or a wedding reception but now I could get ready withing seconds even if it is to wear a saree. It may sound funny but its the reality. After making Jojo ready, if I could comb my hair and wear a proper dress is enough for me now.

 Kids usually demand for toys while going to a super market and Jojo is not an exception to this. So every time I have to be careful to avoid going to the toy section and do my shopping as first as possible. And thus before going out for grocery shopping I always make a list before so that it would save some time and I could quickly get my stuff. 

I just couldn't remember when I last went to watch a movie at a multiplex. Now watching a movie at my own laptop is a luxury to me that also when Jojo goes to sleep. 

May be I have lost some of my freedom of sleeping, going out for movies or spend some time before the mirror but I really enjoy the challenges of being a mother. The tender touch of his little fingers and his innocent looks make me the happiest person on earth and every time when he comes running and hold his little arms around my neck, I really thank God for bringing those changes in my life and making me understood about selflessness and patience. 

Prague - the beautiful city of Europe I would like to visit once more !

Yesterday while talking to my old friend on skype who is planning to visit Prague next summer, I recalled our vacation to Prague in 2010. Yes, Prague, the capital city of Czech Republic, is one of the most interesting, historical and beautiful places in Europe I have still visited.The magical city of century old bridges, magnificent cathedrals, gold-tipped towers and domes, situated in the surface of Vltava River for more than ten centuries are enough to meet the thirst of a traveler's thirst for adventure.  

Our journey started from Budapest by bus via Bratislava and we reached Prague in the afternoon. Since we were over enthusiastic to explore the historical city, we didn't waste a moment staying in the hotel and relax. After keeping our bags and baggage we rushed to the Prague Castle, one of the largest castles in the world, covering almost an area of 70,000 metre square. The history of the castle dates back to the year 870 and I was really amazed by its architectural beauty. The castle houses several towers, cathedrals, palaces, museums and gardens and though we really got tired of walking down the cobbled roads inside we couldn't resist exploring the majestic 9th century castle. 

I remember it was raining that day but that didn't stop not only us but several tourists who had come from different parts of the world to visit the age old castle. 

The buildings were so huge that it was really difficult for me to take a picture but somehow I sat down and managed to take one. 

Surprisingly while coming back and walking down, it stopped raining and beautiful sunshine added to the glory of the city which I tried to capture from the castle. 

Our energy was still left and so we quickly went through the map to plan our next destination and decided to visit the old town square to witness the Charles Bridge, the famous historic bridge, the construction of which was finished in the beginning of 15th century and lying crosses the Vltava river. 

The statues of several saints situated across the bridge was not only unique but eye-catching too. 

My legs were literally paining and so we decided to walk sometime down the lanes of old town square and get back to hotel to store some energy for the next day.

Next day our destination was Vyshrad, the historical fort probably built in 10th century on a hill over River Vltava. The twin towers of the Basillica of St Peter and St Paul are 58 m high and I have to really raise my head high to see the top of the towers. Rebuilt in a neo gothic style, the basillica has a stone mosaic above its entry. 

Walking down the lanes of the Vysehrad we came across the cemetery, which I found the most quiet place inside the fort. It was my first visit to a burial ground and also a memorable one. Many famous artists, musicians and politicians have been buried there. The peaceful atmosphere around was really enjoyable and I never had the idea before that a cemetery could be so beautiful.

After reaching the top, we saw the ruins of the Bath of Libuse. According to legends, it is said that Princess Libuse used to take bath with her lovers there and later threw them in the river. The mesmerizing view of the ruins from the hill top was quite amazing and hearing all those age old stories I could feel the historical importance of that beautiful place.   

One more interesting thing we had seen is the famous Astronomical Clock mounted on the southern wall of the Old Town Hall and which was installed in 1410 and said that it is the third-oldest astronomical clock in the world. Its really interesting to know that the astronomical dial represents the position of the sun and moon in the sky and displays various astronomical details. 

I have written whatever I could remember but I think there is lot more to tell about this lovely place. Prague is one of the most beautiful places of East Europe and if I get an opportunity, I would love to explore this historical and magical place once more.