An Unforgettable Experience in Finland

There can't be anything worse than seeing your own child sick. Its so disheartening to see him in pain with gloomy eyes and a weak body. This is what every mom has experienced and so am I. But the situation became worst last year after we arrived at Finland.

Moving abroad  is much easier when you are single or without kids but once you have kids, moving overseas becomes quite difficult and that could be a real test on the strength of parents. So before coming here I was too worried about Jojo since we came in winter and he is not used to this cold temperature. But everything sorted out easily. He started going to school.

But after going to school for two weeks one day Jojo returned from school with high temperature. We thought the fever to be some viral which will be fine within a couple of days but we didn't know about some scary situations waiting for us. A day after, in the middle of the night, Jojo's fever became very high and even the medicines were not working rather he started shivering. It was 1o' clock in the night, we couldn't understand what to do and whom to call for help. I felt so helpless and perhaps that was the worst moment in my life till date. Then suddenly I remember the emergency number where one can call in case of an emergency. I didn't care whether we had that much emergency to call at the number but I called immediately.

I didn't expect such a great response from them. They asked me every detail like the child's age, what problem he is having and finally asked for our address because they will be sending a medical team to help us and if needed they will take us to the hospital too. For a second I was relieved. And within ten minutes an ambulance arrived at our door and two nurses came having all the necessities starting from oxygen mask to saline bottle with them. One of them sat in the chair with her laptop opened and immediately called the doctor and the other started the investigations. She took Jojo's temperature, checked his throat, eyes and pulse and asked me to give a moist towel. She herself took off Jojo's clothes, started rubbing his whole body with that wet towel and gave him some comfort. When they found that we had few medicines left, they even gave some extra medicines in case we need. Not only that they waited till Jojo's fever gone down, consoled us and told not to worry.

After they left, I just thanked God. Perhaps this is the advantage of living in a developed country. I don't know about other countries but in Finland, the way the emergency service helped us is unbelievable and unforgettable. This incident is something which I wont forget in my life.

How virtual friendship turned to real friendship

Even a year back I didn't know this person and today perhaps she is the one with whom I talk almost everyday. Yes, I am talking about Paramita whom I met last year on facebook before she came to Finland. She is one of the best persons I met on facebook. 

Before we met personally, our relation was quite formal which I believe to be quite natural for two persons who didn't know each other. After she reached Finland with her family and contacted me, I was eager to meet them and invited them on dinner. And I will never ever forget that day of our first meeting because that day before they would arrive, Jojo  broke his hand and we had to rush to the hospital.I was in extreme dilemma whether to cancel that dinner or wait till Jojo's plaster was done. And the first time we talked on phone was from hospital asking them to come a little late. Now I think I had taken the right decision not to cancel that first meeting, otherwise I would have perhaps missed the opportunity to meet her.

On our very first meeting, I found her to be quite open-minded, friendly and obviously there were certain things common between us and I felt very comfortable talking to her. It didn't seem that we met for the first time. From that day onward still now, I think I have not talked so much with a person whom I met just a few months back. Never thought of getting such a dear friend in Finland, the friendship which I will cherish for the rest of my life.We talked, we laughed, spent some sleepless nights talking to each other, we traveled together, cooked together, went shopping and really enjoyed some lovely moments together.
I always believe that friendship is not about whom I know for a long time. It can happen at any age, at any point of time but the only thing is about to find a like-minded people, which is difficult these days. But I am lucky enough to find her.

The day when we came back from India last month, she came all the way in the snow to reach some homemade food so that I don't have to cook after reaching home. This is something I will never ever forget in my life. I never look at the clock before dialing her phone and never hesitate to say whatever I feel. This is perhaps true friendship is all about. Even when we couldn't meet in the snowy days we talked on phone and perhaps have exchanged some thousands of messages on facebook.

But its time to say good-bye since she is leaving Finland soon. Needless to say that I will miss her. But hope to meet some day back in India and I wish her a happy life ahead with the evergreen smile she wears on her face. 

Miss those days of still photographs

Looking back through old photographs and albums is something I enjoy since childhood days. I remember whenever my exams got over, first thing I used to do is opening up the cupboard where my mom kept all the photo albums and have a look at the old photographs. Still now, whenever I go home, at least once I open that cupboard to have a look at those old pictures to refresh my childhood memories. 

This time when I went to India, I showed some of my childhood photos to Jojo and he couldn't believe that the little girl who is almost of his age could be his mother. He asked me, " Ma, who is she?" and when I said its me, he was so excited and the smile on his face made me so happy. And I really appreciate the way my mother has kept all our childhood photos. May be some of them have faded but none are lost or damaged. 

Since my birth, I have seen that still camera which my father still uses and it has captured several memorable moments of our life. Its a Minolta camera which his friend got from US as a gift and still now he takes good care of it. There was a shop in New Market at Kolkata from where he used to buy the film and also developed the negatives. The camera had become a member of our family as it has witnessed each and every occasion at home, every place we have traveled and every moment we wished to remember. 

With one film we could take 36 photos and so my father was very particular while taking out photos so that none were wasted and he could capture 36 perfect pictures. And the most exciting moment was to wait for the day when he would take the delivery of the prints from the studio and literally me and my sister used to fight about who will see the photos first. Then keeping them in the album and putting dates with a little description about the place and the moment on every album were something I used to enjoy.  

But with the development of technology, we are now used to digital photography. Now, in the age of selfies, we just don't care to take hundreds of photos at a time. We keep on clicking the camera till we look perfect with our eyes properly opened, a perfect smile on our face, a beautiful background and so on. Now all our photos are kept in facebook albums instead of those old albums with hard covers. Now we don't have to wait for getting the negatives to be developed, rather within a second could see the photos and don't even hesitate to delete them immediately if not clicked properly. 

I too before buying my smart phone, checked the camera on it so that I could take some good photos. But still I miss those films, still photographs, that old camera of my father, the containers in which the films were kept and specially that wonderful feeling of getting the negatives developed.

Had my morning tea at 2 o'clock in the night

Yesterday was a very bad day for me, rather I should say a day when everything went wrong. Till 10 o' clock in the morning, everything was fine and going as per my schedule but after that everything stopped. My tab stopped working with no internet connection at home. For a while I felt so disconnected from the whole world. I realized how dependent we are these days on internet. I can skip a day's meal but without internet connection, cant think of surviving. 

I struggled a lot to use my mobile to get the internet connection. I put the data card on my mobile but everything was in vain and for ten hours there was not net connection at home. I somehow managed but managing Jojo in the evening without internet was little difficult. After Kunal came from office, somehow he managed to switch on the tab and get back the internet connection. I felt so relieved. Before going to bed I set the alarm on my mobile at 6 o' clock in the morning and went to sleep. 

As usual I woke up at 6 o' clock and brushed my teeth, made tea for myself and had it. I checked my tab to see whether it is working properly or not. My tab was showing the time 1.30 am. I was sure that may be yesterday we switched it on and off quite a few times and so the time has not been set properly.I prepared breakfast and also packed the lunch box for Kunal. Since both father and son were not waking up, I switch on the lights of the bed room too. I called Jojo quite a few times but he didn't wake up. Before getting ready to drop Jojo at school, I usually put my wrist watch and surprisingly it showed the time 2 o' clock. For a second, I thought, has it stopped working? Then I doubt. I checked my table clock and it was really 2 o' clock at night. Oh God !!! Then I realized its not the tab or the wrist watch, its my mobile. May be yesterday while switching it on, I forgot to set the time. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the middle of the night. 

Since in Finland now the sun has become a late riser and never rises before 9 o' clock, its really difficult to realize whether its 6 o' clock in the morning or 2 o' clock at night. Immediately I switched off the lights before Jojo would wake up and went to bed. But I couldn't sleep. Till 4 o' clock I was awake and after that went to sleep and again woke up at 6 in the morning. But this time its really 6 a.m. 

Within a next few days we are going to India and we have to reach airport by 3 o' clock at night to catch our morning flight. For few days, I was thinking how difficult will it be to wake up at the middle of the night and get ready for the airport. Now I am sure, God has listened to this and perhaps made me a rehearsal for the same. 

Whatever it is, while brushing my teeth again and having tea for the second time, I found the incident quite funny. Perhaps this is one of the funniest moments of my life till now and just cant resist to share with you all. 

Kids having too many toys these days

Last Sunday when I was cleaning my son's cupboard, I was really shocked to see the huge number of toys he has collected in the last few months. I should rectify myself here. Its not him who has collected, its us, the parents who are responsible for it and have bought so many of them. When at the beginning of this year we have moved to Finland, I remember I packed a few small cars and two sets of blocks with us in the suitcase and left four carton boxes of toys back in Kolkata. All those toys he received as gifts since birth from friends and relatives, some of which he never used and they are still kept lying in the boxes.

When we arrived in Finland it was too cold and he had not joined school yet and almost all day long he used to stay at home. It was me who was worried about him and thought he might get bored all day playing with fewer toys and without any circle of friends. So every time I used to go to market, I used to buy toys for him to keep him engage at home. Since he was just two and half year old and could not read books on his own, most of the time he used to play on his own with toys as I could not make time for him to read out  books except at night before going to sleep.  

I remember when I was at his age, me and my sister hardly had one-tenth of his toys but still we were so happy and never used to get bored playing with the same old dolls and kitchen set. Then why in his case I think of him getting bored playing with same toys? I was brought up in a joint family where I used to spend time with my grand parents,cousins uncles and aunts besides my parents which my son is deprived of. And its obviously one of the reasons in today's nuclear family, that parents keep their kids engaged with toys. But is this justification enough for my son having toys which are doubled his weight? I don't think so.

I know its not the case of my son only. Kids of this generation have lots of toys. But is it healthy for a kid getting so many toys? Sometimes I really get confused. But I am sure they do not need too many toys to be entertained. Buying too many toys is not going to help them rather teach them to give away and share their toys.

 I have made up my mind. While cleaning his cupboard last weekend, I asked my son to separate those toys which he wants to give away. And surprisingly he sorted out some of them. I packed those toys and kept separately to give them away. And after going to Kolkata next month, I am going to unpack those carton boxes full of toys and giving them to poor children who don't have a single toy to play with.

The Unique Relation between a Mother-in-law and a Daughter-in-law

One of the biggest challenges of marriage for an Indian girl is to get along well with her in-laws. And when it comes about her relation with the mother-in-law, there are lots of ups and downs and she has to be little tricky to deal with it. During my professional life I have witnessed a number of marriages suffering from tension because of this bitter relation with mother-in-laws which finally ended up in divorce.
We always say to show respect to elders but every individual needs a minimum respect. Even a five year old kid can demand that. If the old lady expects respect from her daughter-in-law, it is also her duty to respect the new member of her family.

I have heard people saying that after marriage the mother-in-law gets a daughter and a daughter-in-law gets a new mother. But I really doubt. If it was so, then there would not be any case of bride burning, divorce and domestic violence and on the other hand there would not be any case of an old woman living a lonely life abandoned by her children.  

A woman always wants to be the most important person in her husband's life and there lies the problem. In most of the cases, the mother-in-law could not accept this change in her son's life and she is not ready to give her position as she was that important person in her son's life before marriage. I have heard many such stories from my friends and relatives who have suffered from such possessive attitude of their mother-in-laws that has affected not only their career but also mental health.

 But every problem has a solution. And what I think there lies the real power of a daughter-in-law. She has to be calm, patient and be positive towards her new mom-in-law. Like she is trying to get adjusted in the new family, may be that old lady is trying her best to get fit into her new role as a mother-in-law.  Its better to give some time and nurture the new relation. But that doesn't mean that the woman has to accept physical and mental torture from her mother-in-law.

In today's life, when most of the women are working and get busy with their professional life, they hardly get time to sit and chat with their mother-in-laws. But this old woman misunderstands and feels unwanted. Now the daughter-in-law has to deal it intelligently. In order to strengthen the bond between the two, she has to be a little attentive towards her mom-in-law. Preparing meals together on a weekend in the kitchen is really a good idea to spend some time together.

It is quite natural to have difference of opinions among the different family members and specially when they belong to two generations. Everyone of us has faced this with our parents but when it comes to the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relation the situation becomes worse. If both of them understand that these differences are nothing but the same that they faced with their own children and parents, much of the problem is solved.

Sometimes lack of communication creates a big problem. So it is always better to interact. If some words hurt either of the two, they must tell each other rather keeping it up bottled inside each other. Many a times talking openly prevent the relationship being stained.

I have seen mother-in-laws always comparing their lives when they were young with her daughter-in--laws. They always tell stories about how their mother-in-laws used to treat them. Sometimes they think since they were being dominated earlier, it is their right and time to dominate the young lady of her family. There lies the big mistake. They have to be aware of the social changes and know that now-a-days when every woman is being independent, she would neither tolerate her dominance nor her torture. Rather if she becomes friendly with her daughter-in-law, she will get a happier family.

Many a times the tussle between the two increases while rearing of children. Who doesn't want her child to raise up like the way she wants? But sometimes the over concern attitude of grand parents leads to constant interference which in turn spoils the relation between the two ladies. Just like mother-in-law must understand that too much love and care may spoil the kid, the daughter-in-law must also allow her kids to spend time with their grand mother.

For every lady, mother-in-law is the most important woman of her marriage and dealing with her with extreme care and caution is important to avoid maximum conflicts of marital life. Once the relation between these two women get disturbed the peace of the family is broken and the most affected person who get sand-witched between these two ladies is the man who get confused about whose side is to be taken, who is right? mother or wife !!!

দিদির সঙ্গে খুনশুটির দিনগুলো

বাবা, মা আর কুণাল ছাড়া আমার ঝগড়া করা এবং রাগ দেখানোর আরেকটি লোক হলো আমার দিদি।আজ দিদি ফেসবুকএ আমাদের দুজনের ছোটবেলার একটা ছবি পোস্ট করায় ছোটবেলার অনেক স্মৃতি মনে পড়ে গেল আর সেই স্মৃতি চারণ করতেই আমার এই লেখা। 

আমি যখন জন্মাই দিদি তখন বছর চারেকের। মা এর কাছে শুনেছি মা নাকি যখন ভোরবেলা স্কুলএ চলে যেত আমার দুধের বোতলটা তৈরী করে দিদির হাতে ধরিয়ে দিলে ওই আমায় দুধ খাইয়ে দিত। 

দিদি আর আমি দুজনে খুবই বিপরীত স্বভাবের সেই ছোট থেকেই। দিদি যতোটাই শান্ত আমি ততটাই দুষ্টু। এই বয়সে নিজেকে দুষ্টু বলাটা কতখানি ঠিক জানি না তবে এখনো মা তো তাই বলে। আর আমার নিজের মেনে নিতেও কোনো অসুবিধা নেই। আমি নি:সন্দেহে খুব পাজি।  ছোটবেলায় আমাদের খুব ঝগড়া ঝাটি এমনকি মারামারিও হত।  মারামারি টা তবে  আমিই শুরু করতাম। তার পর দিদি যখন আমার একটা হাত ধরে বেঁকিয়ে ধরত তখন আমি মা মা করে চিত্কার করতাম। গায়ের জোড়ে কোনো দিনই পেরে উঠতাম না। চুল ধরে টানাটানিও হয়েছে অনেক যাকে বলে চুলোচুলি।  আমার কত চুল যে দিদি তুলে দিয়েছে তাই বোধয় চুলের আজ এই অবস্থা। 

জয়পুর বেড়াতে গিয়ে একটা লেপ কেনা হয়েছিল মনে আছে।  লাল হলুদ রঙের সাটিন এর লেপটা দেখতেও যেমন সুন্দর ছিল, তেমনই ছিল বিশাল বড়। অনায়াসে দুজন গায়ে দিয়ে শোয়া যেত। কিন্তু লেপটা কেনার পর থেকেই আমি ওটা কাউকে নিতে দিতাম না। নিজে একা গায়ে দিয়ে শোব বলে খুব ঝামেলা করতাম।  একদিন ও  দিদিকে  নিতে দিতাম না। দিদিরও খুব ইচ্ছে করত ওটা নিতে কিন্তু আমি খুব জেদাজেদি করতাম। এই নিয়ে অনেক বকাও  খেয়েছি মা এর কাছে। আর যেই একটু গরম পরে যেত তখুনি ভালো মানুষের মতন দিদি কে বলতাম " এবার তুই লেপটা গায়ে দে" ।

যেই একটু বড় হলাম মানে যখন দুজনের জামার সাইজ এক, তখন শুরু হলো আরেক বিপদ। দিদি খুব বলত দুজন দুজনের জামা এক্সচেঞ্জ করে পরার কথা।  আমি আনন্দের সঙ্গে ওর  জামা গুলো পরে বেরোতাম কিন্তু আমার জামা গুলো দিদি পরলেই ঝামেলা করতাম। আর দিদি খালি বলত " কি হিংসুটে রে তুই, একটুও শেয়ার করতে শিখলি না "। 

আরেকটা জিনিস নিয়ে খুব ঝগড়া হত সেটা হলো দুপুরবেলা মা এর পাশে কে শোবে। আমি কিছুতেই দিদিকে মা এর পাশে শুতে দিতাম না।  এমনকি মা কে  মাঝখানেও শুতে দিতাম না। 

তবে এত ঝগড়া মারপিট খুনশুটির  মাঝেও কিন্তু ছিল একটা বন্ধুত্বের সম্পর্ক।  একই ঘরে দুজনে থাকতাম এবং দুজনের দুটো পড়ার  টেবিল ছিল।  আমাদের ঘরটা ছিল তিন তলায় আর মা বাবা থাকত এক তলায়। পড়তে বসেই শুরু হত দুজনের গল্প।  সারাদিন স্কুলএ কি হলো , এটা ওটা আর যেই সিঁড়ি দিয়ে মা এর পায়ের আওয়াজ পেতাম অমনি দুজনেই চুপ।  মা বুঝতে পেরে একদিন কোনো শব্দ না করেই যখন ঘরে ঢুকে পড়ল সেদিন কপালে জুটেছিল  ভীষণ বকুনি আর তার পরেই দুজনের পড়ার  জায়গা হয়ে গেল আলাদা। 

জীবনের একুশটা বছর এক ঘরে এক সঙ্গে কাটিয়েছি দিদির সঙ্গে।  তার পর আমি চলে গেলাম বাইরে পড়তে আর কিছু দিন পর হয়ে গেল দিদির বিয়ে। তার পর থেকে আর কটা রাত যে এক সাথে কাটিয়েছি সেটা গুণে বলে দেওয়া যায়।  এখন দেখা হলে সারা রাত কেটে যায় গল্প করতে। গত পাঁচ বছর তো এক শহরেই থাকা হয়না।  এখন সপ্তাহে একটা দিন স্কাইপিতে কথা বলার জন্য অধীর ভাবে অপেখ্যা করে থাকি।  অনেক সময় নিজেদের ব্যস্ততার কারণে সপ্তাহে এক দিনও হয়ত কথা বলা হয়ে ওঠে না।  

কোথায় হারিয়ে গেল সেই ছোটবেলা। কোথায় হারিয়ে গেল সেই ঝগড়া মারপিট আর খুনসুটি করা।  ভীষণ মিস করি সেই সব দিন গুলো।  ছোটবেলায় মনে হত কবে বড় হবো আর আজ মনে হয় ছোটবেলাটাই ছিল সবচেয়ে ভালো।