One of the biggest challenges of marriage for an Indian girl is to get along well with her in-laws. And when it comes about her relation with the mother-in-law, there are lots of ups and downs and she has to be little tricky to deal with it. During my professional life I have witnessed a number of marriages suffering from tension because of this bitter relation with mother-in-laws which finally ended up in divorce.
We always say to show respect to elders but every individual needs a minimum respect. Even a five year old kid can demand that. If the old lady expects respect from her daughter-in-law, it is also her duty to respect the new member of her family.
We always say to show respect to elders but every individual needs a minimum respect. Even a five year old kid can demand that. If the old lady expects respect from her daughter-in-law, it is also her duty to respect the new member of her family.
I have heard people saying that after marriage the mother-in-law gets a daughter and a daughter-in-law gets a new mother. But I really doubt. If it was so, then there would not be any case of bride burning, divorce and domestic violence and on the other hand there would not be any case of an old woman living a lonely life abandoned by her children.
A woman always wants to be the most important person in her husband's life and there lies the problem. In most of the cases, the mother-in-law could not accept this change in her son's life and she is not ready to give her position as she was that important person in her son's life before marriage. I have heard many such stories from my friends and relatives who have suffered from such possessive attitude of their mother-in-laws that has affected not only their career but also mental health.
But every problem has a solution. And what I think there lies the real power of a daughter-in-law. She has to be calm, patient and be positive towards her new mom-in-law. Like she is trying to get adjusted in the new family, may be that old lady is trying her best to get fit into her new role as a mother-in-law. Its better to give some time and nurture the new relation. But that doesn't mean that the woman has to accept physical and mental torture from her mother-in-law.
In today's life, when most of the women are working and get busy with their professional life, they hardly get time to sit and chat with their mother-in-laws. But this old woman misunderstands and feels unwanted. Now the daughter-in-law has to deal it intelligently. In order to strengthen the bond between the two, she has to be a little attentive towards her mom-in-law. Preparing meals together on a weekend in the kitchen is really a good idea to spend some time together.
It is quite natural to have difference of opinions among the different family members and specially when they belong to two generations. Everyone of us has faced this with our parents but when it comes to the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relation the situation becomes worse. If both of them understand that these differences are nothing but the same that they faced with their own children and parents, much of the problem is solved.
Sometimes lack of communication creates a big problem. So it is always better to interact. If some words hurt either of the two, they must tell each other rather keeping it up bottled inside each other. Many a times talking openly prevent the relationship being stained.
I have seen mother-in-laws always comparing their lives when they were young with her daughter-in--laws. They always tell stories about how their mother-in-laws used to treat them. Sometimes they think since they were being dominated earlier, it is their right and time to dominate the young lady of her family. There lies the big mistake. They have to be aware of the social changes and know that now-a-days when every woman is being independent, she would neither tolerate her dominance nor her torture. Rather if she becomes friendly with her daughter-in-law, she will get a happier family.
Many a times the tussle between the two increases while rearing of children. Who doesn't want her child to raise up like the way she wants? But sometimes the over concern attitude of grand parents leads to constant interference which in turn spoils the relation between the two ladies. Just like mother-in-law must understand that too much love and care may spoil the kid, the daughter-in-law must also allow her kids to spend time with their grand mother.
For every lady, mother-in-law is the most important woman of her marriage and dealing with her with extreme care and caution is important to avoid maximum conflicts of marital life. Once the relation between these two women get disturbed the peace of the family is broken and the most affected person who get sand-witched between these two ladies is the man who get confused about whose side is to be taken, who is right? mother or wife !!!
But every problem has a solution. And what I think there lies the real power of a daughter-in-law. She has to be calm, patient and be positive towards her new mom-in-law. Like she is trying to get adjusted in the new family, may be that old lady is trying her best to get fit into her new role as a mother-in-law. Its better to give some time and nurture the new relation. But that doesn't mean that the woman has to accept physical and mental torture from her mother-in-law.
In today's life, when most of the women are working and get busy with their professional life, they hardly get time to sit and chat with their mother-in-laws. But this old woman misunderstands and feels unwanted. Now the daughter-in-law has to deal it intelligently. In order to strengthen the bond between the two, she has to be a little attentive towards her mom-in-law. Preparing meals together on a weekend in the kitchen is really a good idea to spend some time together.
It is quite natural to have difference of opinions among the different family members and specially when they belong to two generations. Everyone of us has faced this with our parents but when it comes to the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relation the situation becomes worse. If both of them understand that these differences are nothing but the same that they faced with their own children and parents, much of the problem is solved.
Sometimes lack of communication creates a big problem. So it is always better to interact. If some words hurt either of the two, they must tell each other rather keeping it up bottled inside each other. Many a times talking openly prevent the relationship being stained.
I have seen mother-in-laws always comparing their lives when they were young with her daughter-in--laws. They always tell stories about how their mother-in-laws used to treat them. Sometimes they think since they were being dominated earlier, it is their right and time to dominate the young lady of her family. There lies the big mistake. They have to be aware of the social changes and know that now-a-days when every woman is being independent, she would neither tolerate her dominance nor her torture. Rather if she becomes friendly with her daughter-in-law, she will get a happier family.
Many a times the tussle between the two increases while rearing of children. Who doesn't want her child to raise up like the way she wants? But sometimes the over concern attitude of grand parents leads to constant interference which in turn spoils the relation between the two ladies. Just like mother-in-law must understand that too much love and care may spoil the kid, the daughter-in-law must also allow her kids to spend time with their grand mother.
For every lady, mother-in-law is the most important woman of her marriage and dealing with her with extreme care and caution is important to avoid maximum conflicts of marital life. Once the relation between these two women get disturbed the peace of the family is broken and the most affected person who get sand-witched between these two ladies is the man who get confused about whose side is to be taken, who is right? mother or wife !!!
PoRlaam :)
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